Today i woke up feeling depressed. My whole life up to this point has been nothing short of chaos. Dad died from heart failure 2 weeks ago. When mum left his heart literally broke into a million pieces.
I spent half of my dad's dying days trying to get in touch with a mum who would rather wallow in a pit of drunken stupor she dug for her self than cuddle a son who want nothing more than to be held and to be told it would be fine.
I remember holding my dad's hand as he took his last breath, i felt his last sigh on my neck as i hugged him and the coldness of his tears even as he said "I am sorry!!!" At that moment i was numb, it was like someone filtered the whole of my emotions out of me and left a standing body of bones, a body trying to understand the logic behind apologizing as you lay on your dying bed.
I know this might not be the introduction you expected;
but stay with me, I promise it gets better.
Today, after 2 weeks of agonizing emptiness and a search for a sense of direction, i stumbled across a work of art that reminded me how awesome it is to not give up.
The intrinsic value of this art was infinite to me and i couldn't help but wonder the strange but beautiful places one can find solace at a time when all you want was to stop existing.
It was a simple and complex headline, a redditor posted this,
It took my dad roughly 2.5 years, heart and kidney failure, and a whole lot of small brushes to paint this. Here he is proudly presenting his best work!
I am guessing by now you should have an idea how i must have felt when i saw the word "heart failure". I felt a pang in my chest and i almost closed my browser;
But there was something about his posture and the way he stared directly into the camera. This was a man who kept at one art for two and a half years while struggling with heart and kidney failure. If his eyes didn't speak to you, nothing will!
I know what it means to have your heart fail you. I also know the amount of dedication that would be needed to paint a work of art that transcends over a period of 29 months.
And so it was that i spent the whole of today in my own wonderland, wishing that my dad had survived but grateful that there was a survivor whose painting spoke to me in ways no human could.
I am not sure if you appreciate the intricacy of this art or if you fully grasp what i am trying to say, all i know is;
I was down and depressed,
I saw a painting
and now i want nothing more than to keep breathing,
Keep fighting and to keep living.
So if you are out there and you are afraid to breath and maybe you feel like disappearing is far easier than existing, i want you to know that you are not alone and there is always something to live for, something to fight for, you just have to keep looking.
I found mine and its the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.
Did i mention this is my first post here? Finding Steemit was another beautiful thing that happened to me today.
If you'd like to see more of this work of art, you can go here