Hi! My name is Sarah!
Just so you know: I hate introductions, I feel a lot pressure to condense myself down to something simple. It feels weird and constraining. Oh well, here's my best shot-
I’m 19. I love my cat, Lynx. I love to paint and write and sing and do stand up comedy. I love flowers and rainbows and babies and baby animals. I love life. Oingo Boingo is the music of my soul.
I was an abused kid. I was sexually abused, raised in a cult by my alcoholic mother who was emotionally and physically abusive. I left her house when I was 13 after I sent myself to a mental hospital because I was suicidal and a cutter. The mental hospital sent me to live with my dad who is a hoarder.
I was a wreck when I moved in with my dad- I was reeling from everything my life had been. I entered into therapy, got on Celexa and was diagnosed with C-PTSD. Therapy really helped me and taught me the beginnings of introspection which opened the path to healing. I left therapy after a year when I was 14.
After a series of relationships with boys who cheated on me, used me and left me, I saw a pattern in what I was attracted to and knew something needed to change. I made a decision to pursue self-improvement. I started making lists of my problems and reading about psychology. Healing became my goal.
I grew a lot in my teenage years. I learned how to reprogram my conditioned responses and realized how important awareness really is. I’ve learned the dynamics of abuse and how to have healthy relationships. I also did a lot of fun adolescent rebellion in between. ;)
Like go to school in a banana suit.
When I was 16 I joined OK Cupid to find friends. I eventually started using it for trolling. But one day I was doing the swipe-y picture thing, I found a man with an intriguing picture and an “about me” that really resonated. We started talking right away about psychology, abuse, and how the foundations of a relationship should be communication and honesty. His name is Ryan.
He also worked as a tech for Ringling Brothers Circus and for that week, the circus train happened to be only 30 minutes away from where I lived. He invited me to go to a New Years party at the train, to which I said FUCK YES. That was a magical, amazing night... words don't do it justice.
We didn't take any pictures that night so here are just some cute ones of us later on.
After dating long distance for six months, we had fallen in love, missed each other a lot and with me living in a poor, broken down hoarder house- we really, really, really wanted to be together. Ryan came down to visit for my 17th birthday and had a talk with my dad without me (which is was nerve wracking as hell). Well, long story short, my dad agreed to let me get emancipated through marriage.
June 18th 2014, we got hitched at the courthouse, had a party at the hotel and the next day we left to go the circus. Moving to the circus as an emancipated minor with my soulmate was the most fun, exciting time of my life.
Our wedding day.
Me with the train right before we left the circus.
Eventually things went south between Ryan and the corporation that is the circus so we left to join the “real world”. Now we live in a college down we don’t really like, I’m working a 9-5, and figuring out what I want to do with my life.
So this has been my life so far! I plan to write about everything in a lot more detail later- I’m leaving out a lot for brevity but I’m excited to be here. :)
Thanks for reading!
Here is a picture of Donald Trump's butt face over my face just because.