Wow, this is some insight we are getting into human behaviour, it isn't just a normal blog post. What you are writing I never could, as much as I wished to. Thing is, you have to have a point of view that doesn't favour you or your actions, it has to be completely unbiased. I have yet to find such a perspective.
You are writing about something really significant in your life, and we here are blessed to be reading it. This is a journey I am sure going to follow, because I have had somewhat similar experiences.
RE: An unrealistic recovery, part 1: Coming to terms with the jerkass that I was.