It's not every day that you wake up and decide to cash out your current life for a new one.
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TBH, I've been feeling stagnant for a long time now. Both my personal and professional life had seem to have been following some sort of oscillating wavelength over the last couple of years; a few high months followed by a few low. Yet, somewhere around the start of the year it all flat-lined.
There's no need to go into details, but suffice to say, I just stood by and watched most of what I had been building slip away. I hit rock bottom, I guess. And I just let it happen.
Why?
Apathy, partly. But more than that, fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of getting it wrong, fear of not being good enough. I believe that a great number of people live a life mostly fueled by worry.
Worry = Fear
Fear is born from the disconnect of the conscious (and subconscious) belief of how we think life should be vs how we are actually living our lives.
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Fear is a device used by authority to control those they think under their charge. Don't do this... Do that and face the consequences
We, as humans, also shoulder innate fears. Fear of survival; not getting enough food, water, air.. Even infants are born with a fear of falling and a fear of loud noises, a fear of abandonment. A fear of death..
the unknown..
I worry Am I living my life the "right" way? How many wasted days go by consumed in a paralysis of worry? Should I suffer now for a chance at a greater future for myself or shirk present discomfort in favor of immediate gratification? Perhaps the self should be disregarded completely and I should devote myself to the service of others.
For me the answer is to stop living in fear. Duh?
To do that, I had to admit that I needed to make some changes in my life:
- Stop wasting time doing things that don't interest me
- Start bridging the gap between my ideal life and how I'm living my life now
- Man-up and work for it
- Conquer fear and worry by reminding myself of the good things I have and will have by working towards my goals
So this is part of that. I have branched out and started doing things that I've wanted to explore for some time.. writing is one of them. I'd also like to think that it will be therapeutic, a rehabilitation of sorts while I'm getting my sights straight. Most of all, I'm looking forward to being part of the community and getting to know you and your stories as well!
A new journey is unfolding.. I expect it will be a wild ride.
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This will likely be one of the more honest posts that I make. I can be quite dry and cynical, but I much prefer to have a good laugh or a philosophical debate. Either way..