It all started when all of what has planned started shrinking piece by piece. First quarter of 2017, I was ready to stop working for now and instead pursue my 6-year dream, TO STUDY...
I was hoping to be accepted in a university that I’ve been dreaming for the past 6 years here. For the last 6 years, everything feels right, where and what are you working for but suddenly that day when you decided to pursue this dream, and read the e-mail you have been waiting for, “We have given due consideration to your application and regret that you have been unsuccessful. We regret that the School does not consider appeals…”
I was shattered into pieces, pieces of me wondering why I was still standing as a whole.
But one thing is for sure, Tarot saved me...
So, I was forced to have a solitude retreat...
As a licensed Architect by profession, I was born to solve problems and I really love challenges. It gives me that drive to be curious on how to solve these challenges at hand. I cannot stop or proceed to the next important step unless I solved and found the answer to my present question. That’s why; I didn’t wonder why I love Research + Cities + Places… These are the things what’s keeping me driven and still holding to this dream… A dream of becoming an Urban Planner!
“Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
Creativity, Curiosity and Ambition is ME...
After being terminated, feeling lost and agitated at my hometown, I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what my next steps were. All I get to do is wait and run while waiting for any clues for all the questions I have in my mind.
*Why me? *
Am I not that good enough?
Why? Am I useless?
I am lost right now.
Still my heart beats like a drum go STUDY! Go!
How can I be heard and push myself to my full potential?
How can I still be enthusiastic and courageous about this life again?
Can someone tell me, how can I proceed from here?
Early months of 2016, I don’t want to think of anything with regards to work and my studies. But instead, what I was doing is watching Astrolada, and Kelly’s monthly predictions, YouTube Astrology channels and monthly Tarot Card readings with Karleen.
My journey started from here. I was curious about Stars and Astrological Houses, Planets and hopefully how they are affecting me as a person. I was really in need and hoping for any answers that could help me figure out my life right now:
Is the world really has a plan for me? I’m scared of hell right now!
Why am I like this?
What makes me, ME?
Do others see me as I want to be perceived?
Am I using the best of my potentials?
What are the other things I can still do to develop these gifts?
What are my weaknesses, what are my preferences and hates?
What are my childhood experiences that make me who I am right now?
Are these helpful of what I am trying to achieve and what I am trying to become?
What is my comfortable environment for working that brings out my best potential?
Is my future plan of studying is the right path for me now?
What went wrong in me? What happened in my life right now?
My brain couldn’t stop thinking. I need to do anything worthwhile waiting. What I mean by anything means anything!
So I did! I studied my own Birth Chart…
Above is my own sketch of my Birth chart. I am a visual person; I can only understand it by sketching it all over again in order to understand it piece by piece, element by element, house by house, zodiacs by zodiacs.
26th Dec 2017, a realization came, I realized that I was too focused on my dream of the past 6 years, and it did limit me of what else can be done, what else I can do to enhance myself while waiting for this dream to happen. I know in myself that I will never give up this dream but as these years pass by, I didn’t notice that I still have a lot to give and to offer in this world and to others…
After all the things, that just happened to me…
Now, Who am I?...
Even though I’m not really ready to commit, I’m not prepared physically, mentally of what I planned and hoping to achieve at this very moment in my life right now, I know I achieved a lot but still something is missing, maybe I can be emotionally and spiritually prepared of what could happen or what can I achieve more by pursuing it…
Listen to every sound your instincts are saying...
One thing is for sure, my mind can’t stop learning. I need to refuel my mind, I don’t know whatever topic is it, but just continue with that guts instinct, never stop being curious at things, don’t mind what other people is saying who is stopping you to lead and go anywhere with your dreams.
Soon, this will take you there.
I will commit and continue this dream, to become an Urban Planner and still pursue, being a Tarot card reader. I will promise to post more of my life and who knows; maybe you also need that “something” to hold on to...
Because I believe, that life is just a game of chase, thus…
“Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice"...
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)