Hello dear Steemians around the world! In today's article we will answer a question that to date has troubled millions of people in the world: Is Hugo Chávez dead or alive?
Hold on to your seats, because what we’re going to say will leave you speechless. Keep a first aid kit, an oxygen tank and an electroshock kit nearby. After knowing this, your lives won’t be the same.
Hugo Chávez is not dead! In fact, he lives in the body of a beautiful woman. Recently, one of our reporters was on holiday on a Cuban beach when he suddenly saw a face pretty well known.
In this photo, taken at that precise moment, we see Commander Hugo Rafael Chávez Frías turned into an attractive woman. In fact, our correspondent had an erection when he was trying to take the photograph.
In the image, we see the ex-president of Venezuela talking very naturally with two women. Looking in our extensive database, we could determine that the two beautiful young ladies, who accompanied Chavez, were two retired military men who decided to follow the same example of their beloved leader.
Apparently, Chávez was sharing his plans for world domination, as well as details of the moment when he lost his virginity with a ruminant animal with a split hoof.
It’s believed that Chávez faked his death so as not to continue paying the taxes his government earned from his incalculable fortune. Same as Michael Jackson did.
While Chávez began with the surgeries of sex reassignment and hormone therapy in Cuba, the Venezuelan people wondered what happened to their beloved leader.
Many began to think that Chávez died and that government spokesmen kept it in secret, but it wasn’t so. Chavez was more alive than Cher.
The long wait was due to delays in the delivery of the full scale doll made of rice candy from the "Supreme Leader", which would later be exhibited instead of his mortal remains.
Chávez’s full-scale candy doll was manufactured by the "Mao’s Children" confectionery, managed by a monkey with a whip that forces children under 5 years of age to work 40 hours without rest. Unproactive children are replaced by others and then added to the secret formula of sweets.
Informants infiltrated in Chávez’s mausoleum assure that ants have begun to eat the doll, in a plan to destabilize the nation. For that reason, the current government of Venezuela has invested 5 billion dollars to train in Russia two professional exterminators licensed to kill insects.
Several leaders who fear falling into the hands of justice for being involved in cases of corruption and illicit enrichment, have decided following the same steps as Chávez. Here we show you how they will look and what their plans are for the future:
Enrique Peña Nieto
From a very young age, the former Mexican president always wanted to be an actor. When he first saw a presentation of Juan Gabriel on TV, she changed his mind and wanted to be an actress. His father forced him to study at the University and pressured him to become a politician and later President of Mexico.
He married a Mexican actress to learn acting from her, while trying to govern a nation in chaos. When he is a woman, Peña Nieto will change his name to "Nieta Peño" and will star in a telenovela with a famous gallant with halitosis problems.
Dilma Rousseff
After spending several years in prison, Dilma can finally become a man, to join a boy band in the same style as Menudo. Their tours will be financed by Odebrecht, a company that stopped working in construction to plan children's parties and trips to Vatican.
Cristina Fernández
The ex-president of Argentina, Cristina Fernández, will lead a simple life like the former Uruguayan president Pepe Mujica. She will become "Cristino el Gaucho Argentino", and will live on hunting and fishing. It is said that recently she lost her entire fortune, including the suitcase full of money that Chavez gave her, when invested all her capital in the match Argentina vs France on an online gambling website.
Evo Morales
The President of Bolivia, Evo Morales, will give away all his money, not understanding what it is used for. His name will be changed to "Eva María" and she will marry a coca farmer. They’ll both live very happy in a country house in the mountains. Soon after, they will rent a belly and have a son who will call "Evo Jr.". However, her husband will abandon her months later and she’ll lose a tooth for her addiction to chewing coca leaves.
And that’s the end of our history today.
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