My oldest daughter Jenna told me recently : " My biggest fear as a child was that you and Mom divorce. Then , when I was 12, I thought maybe it would be better that you are divorced".
For years we have, my wife Carrie and I, argued. Looking back I am not sure what was keeping us together , our personalities are not something that matched . The longer we were married, that difference is increasingly being seen.
Our struggle has become a constant that it was difficult to imagine a peaceful relationship. We have become defensive, we have built an emotional fortress around our hearts. We were on the verge of divorce, and many times we talked about it.
I was on tour when things came to a head. We had an argument over the phone and Keri I hung up. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I have come to their limits. Then I turned to God and yelled at him to me marriage is bad and can not anymore.
I hated the idea of divorce, but the pain because we were together was so strong. I was confused. I could not understand why our marriage was so bad. Deep down I knew that Keri good person. I am a good person. Well, why can not we get along? Why did I marry someone who is so different from me? Why is it not changed?
Broken as I sat on the floor and began to cry. I realized that I can not change it. But, so be yourself.
At that point I began to pray. If I can not change it, then God is going to change me. I prayed so days. That night as we lay in bed, gave me the idea. I knew what I must do. The next morning I sat down beside Carrie and asked her a question.
'How can I brighten your day?'
Keri me at all replied: 'You can not. Why do you ask?'
'I just want to know if there is anything that I can do, and you brighten your day, "I said.
She looked at me angrily and said: 'You want to do something? Clean kitchen.
She had expected that I would get angry. Instead I went and cleaned the kitchen.
The next day I asked her the same question and she told me to clean the garage.
I took a deep breath. I've had a rough day. I was tempted to blow up. Instead, I stood up and the next two hours I was cleaning the garage. Keri did not know what to think.
The next day I asked her the same question and she said, 'Nothing. You cant do anything. Please, stop asking me that question.
For all this I answered her that I can not, 'I made a promise to himself. What can I do so I can shine up your day? '
'Why are you doing all this? "She said.
'Because I think of you. And on our marriage, "I replied.
The same question I asked her for days, and then one day started to cry. When she came up for air she told me to stop her to ask the question that I'm not the problem, but it is, it's hard to live with her and did not know what I'm doing with it further.
I gently lifted her head and told her I loved her and asked her the same question that I asked her for days.
For all this, she told me: 'I should be asking you that. "
"They should, but not now, I have to change. You have to know how much you mean to me, "I explained.
She put her hands on his chest and crying she said: 'I'm sorry I was bad for you.
I told her I love her. She told me she loved me, and then I asked her the same question.
She looked at me and spoke softly: 'Can we spend some time together?'
I laughed and told her that I really like this idea.
I continued to ask that question. Things have changed. The fight was stopped, and then started to Keri believes that the same question.
The wall between the two of us fell. We started to talk about what we want from life and how to help each other. No, we have not solved all our problems. I can not say that we did not argue, but the nature of our struggle has changed.
Keri and I were married for 30 years. In addition to love my wife, I like her. I love to be with her. I need the. We have learned that we care about each other, and most importantly, we have gained the desire to do it.
Marriage is hard, but parenting, and exercise books and writing and everything else that was very important in life. Have a partner in life is an extraordinary gift.
You should ask your partner: 'What can I do to make your day beautiful?'. It's love.
True love does not mean just wish that person, but i wish his luck. True love is not a desire to make your copy.
I'm not saying that our story will work with each pair. I'm not sure that every marriage can be saved. But I'm incredibly grateful for this idea in my success. I am grateful that my family is intact, so I still have my wife, a friend, the person next to you wake up every morning.
I am grateful that still, decades later, one of us turns to the other and says, 'What can I do to make your day beautiful?'.