When i was falling to pit down under, i realised something. Awarness came over and told me that how i look outside reflects false image of me , when i look into mirror i do not know who i see, because this is outside of my flesh body who i see. I cannot see through my body, to see my exictence, to see my soul, too see myself. Eyes do not reflect anything no more because the lost sparkle of my soul.
Who do i see? Who i am become? When i do not recoqnize myself, then was i really aware of myself in past? I think i no more have control of my mind. This story had to be written down in my words, as i know to write, as i will left it behind.
Something else controls by feelings, controls my body and mind.
I see nothing but emptyness everywhere.
So empty.
I think only escape is to start building something in over all this empty space.
In-on-at-that plane.
I still try to fight this depression off sometimes with my nostalgic memory fragments and keep thinking positive as can. I do not go outside anymore, but i try not to close my mind windows atleast right now. Step by step, i try to come out of this madness.
Keeping up postive.. positive... positive.. oh here it comes again.
Do not go to play casino games.
Stay strong everybody!