For the first 20 years of my life, I have been classified as an introvert, someone who's often keep to himself. I used to have the tendency to avoid social settings because of one reason - I do not know how to talk to people. Things changed after I told myself that that's not how I want my life to be and I started observing well-connected people's skills, behavior and attitude. After months of trying to figure out the secret recipe and going through countless encounters, it has eventually led me into becoming a confident person who can talk to anyone! I became one of the top salesperson at Samsung main office and I'm currently working as a Guest Relation Manager at a hostel.
Here's what you need to do:
0. Mind prepping
Most people don't realize the power of the mind. Research shows that people who tell themselves that they can achieve something, there's a higher chance that it will happen. Visualize how you are already making good conversation with the person and start to make plans to see each other again, before you even start the conversation! Do not underestimate this mind prep as it gives you the confidence to start any conversation.
1. Start the conversation
Initially I thought this is the hardest part, but later I realized it is actually listening skills (see 2.) . I like to start a conversation with a specific compliment like
That's a nice phone, what brand is it?
Cool tattoo, what does it mean?
I like your left kneecap, it looks like your right one. [I'm joking on this one]
Everyone likes compliments, be sincere and interested about what you are going to ask. If there's nothing you would really like to compliment about, don't stress it, talk about general topics like food/restaurants are the area, how the weather has been really bad lately, viral videos clips on the internet etc
2. Listen
Pay attention attention to person you are talking to, this is the hardest of being in the conversation. To be good at conversation, you have to be an excellent listener. When the person is speaking, don't interrupt them and just absorbed what they have to say. I have many conversation where I've only asked questions and let the other person rain me with their thoughts and they felt like it was the best conversation ever. Why? Most people like to be heard.
3. Open-ended questions
Once you get the ball rolling, ask follow-up questions that are open-ended (how, why, what happened) instead of yes-no questions. If you followed my #2 recipe, you will have an idea what to ask next.
Cool tattoo, what does it mean? That's peace in Japanese.
Why Japanese and not other languages?
What give you the idea to get this tattoo?
Did you get it in Japan? Have you been to Japan?
4. Body Language
Your body gives it away whether you are interested or not in a conversation. Make non-awkward eye contact, stand/sit with your toes pointing towards the person you are talking to and display gestures like nodding when they are speaking. Body language imitation, when done subtly can yield excellent results. For example, if the person is stroking their hair when the speak, do the same delicately when you speak too for more effective communication. I'm not kidding, there's research to back this method!
5. Don't give a f#ck
If a person you are trying to talk to doesn't want to talk to you, don't bother about it. It's not personal, they might be having a bad or something. I have countless of encounters where people just don't like to talk and I couldn't care less. Just move on and forget about it!
It's a simple recipe but it has changed my life! The people I talked to now would never believed that I used to shy away from conversations. I've talked to some many people from around the world and I've learnt so much about their culture and experiences. What are you waiting for?