As at the time of writing this, I have 777 followers and I was wondering why it is considered lucky by some. It turns out that it is very religious and signifies (among other things) the holy trinity, triumph over the devil (666) and the Hebrew belief that 3 and 7 are perfect numbers.
I don't care much for superstition but it's interesting that many gambling machines use it as the jackpot signal and of course, it adds to 21 for Blackjack.
What I have found though in my time at Steemit is, how emotional I am. Very few things get me emotional but, there has always been one thing that has been a catalyst for me. It has been an area of stress and pressure as well as a source of great comfort. Both negative and positive emotions have been experienced due to it.
Money.
I have never been in the position where 'money doesn't matter' unless under the influence. Like many, most of my life has been dictated in some way by having, not having o trying to get the elusive coin.
I have compromised myself in order to satisfy this demand in many ways. I went to business school rather than do what I really wanted, have taken jobs that I didn't want to do for a little more pay, accepted work that I was not good at and disinterested in to pay bills. There are many other things too of course.
I am not alone here by any measure I am sure but taking some time to explore this in myself has meant facing some ugly truths about how controlled I am and how little agency I hold. It also tells of my willingness to conform to a societal pressure that I do not actually support. What will I not do for a little extra?
It is likely that I have compromised my value system in many, ways and also been less than charitable in many situations I could have given a little more. What has forced me into acting in ways that if I observed from afar, I would not want to associate with myself?
Fear of course. Fear of not being able to provide for myself, for those that rely on me. Fear that people's impressions of me would fall or I would fail to meet the expectations they and I both have. Fear of not living up to my potential. Fear of not capitalising on my position, skills or investments. Fear of being less than others. Fear of missing out. Fomo.
I have known all of this a long time of course. I am aware of myself enough that I am not completely a blind passenger in the train of my life. But, since coming to Steemit, I have become painfully aware of how deep it runs. There are triggers here, and I have been triggered.
Where I have been triggered the most however is trading. I think some people see Steem as 'free' money in some ways but I feel (right or wrong) that I work hard for it. I do not want to waste it and when I invest it, I want it to grow so I can gain, benefit, feel at least a little of that 'money doesn't matter' attitude rather than worrying about the electricity bill or the price of this or that.
What I have noticed though is since I started trading a few months ago, I am even more fearful, more worried by what could happen, frustrated when I miss a peak to sell and in the doldrums when the price plummets and I both have lost and do not have any capital with which to buy. It is an emotional rollercoaster for me and this is all over very small amounts. I need to remove all emotion regarding this. It is unhealthy.
I need to firstly think and investigate what my long term goals are and then prioritise my actions to achieve them. At this point, I am not emotionally stable enough when it comes to money to trade often, check the prices daily and make good decisions consistently. This is hard to admit in some ways.
But, when I step back a little I can understand it better. This is not a world I was born into either from a financial or technological standpoint. I wasn't raised with the monetary discipline some are nor gained the technical knowledge required to understand cryptocurrencies. I jumped in though. A rookie mistake, but a necessary one for me.
I needed to get burned. I don't mean financially, I have done okayish. I mean I needed to witness my own shortcomings firsthand and the only way to really see the emotional weakness was to have it be blatant enough that my ego could not miss it. Trading was the perfect catalyst to grow the fires so they were no longer hidden beyond the horizon.
I have stepped back and looking long-term instead rather than the day to day. It has been a relief. I see the value rise and fall and rather than be triggered to act, I can take a breath and observe, think a little more clearly and hold. This is not perfect and I am definitely not maximising my investments but what I figure is, they will grow in time.
This has also been my view for Steemit too. As hard as it is to write for hours for a dollar, two or ten, I have to think long term. I believe that the platform has legs as does the blockchain so that dollar today has an exponential future and small amounts and percentages matter when applied to a long view as they compound.
Many have stopped posting or are trash posting while payouts and rewards are low but in my opinion, this the time to build as not only does it keep the small numbers ticking over, but it allows me to hone my skills further, connect more and build relationships. It also means that through usage, I better understand how things work and are connected without the blinkered driver of monetary rewards to affect my actions.
As they say, you reap what you sow, and currently, I am trying to sow the seeds of success without worrying about the immediate results. Focusing short-term skews the view and triggers the emotional reactions I am trying to avoid in myself as that is the formula I am currently working with.
Therefore, I will reformulate, calculate some unknowns, bring in some reliable factors. Build process. The process is of utmost importance as it is the there that consistency is developed and understanding comes from. The results offer a limited view of failure and success only.
Process also reduces the reliance on another factor and also increases its impact when it swings favourably. Luck. Luck is always a massive player in any game but relying on it to win is not doing me any favours and potentially, a lot of harm.
Being lucky skews the view and with enough, the feeling of 'getting lucky' gets replaced by a vision of skill instead. This is very dangerous as when the feeling of skill creeps in, training and process development often suffers and if luck swings away, the fallback position skill supports may be far, far below the heady heights previously enjoyed.
How emotional must it be to have it all and feel near invincible and lose everything? I don't want to find out. If I am lucky enough to have it all, I am not going to be stupid enough to squander it. At least, I don't think I will be. Hopefully I have the chance to find out.
So, with 777 followers, maybe this post will bring 778. Perhaps it will get upvoted a little, get a comment or two, fingers crossed a reblog. Hopefully it connects with someone, resonates in some way and helps them think a little about their own positions, their own weaknesses and with a little luck, help them improve too.
It could make a little or a lot or nothing at all but, the act of thinking about it, writing it, reviewing it has helped me build a slightly better view of myself, my actions, my goals and the path forward. It is an investment in my process, an investment in the future.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
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