None of us can begin where we would like to begin. Many of the great prophets and men of God had sinful pasts (despite what Traditionalist Islam teaches).
They began where they were. Just because you have a past doesn't mean you don't have a future. Repent, get right, and move forward.
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Verses on repentance in the Qur'an:
How will God guide a people who denied after their faith and had borne witness that the messenger is true
And clear evidence had come to them?
And God guides not the wrongdoing people.
These: their reward is that upon them is the curse of God and of angels and of men all together
(They abiding eternally therein)
The punishment will not be lightened for them nor will they be granted respite
Save those who repent and do right after that.
Then is God forgiving, merciful.
Those who are indifferent to warning after their faith then grow in denial, their repentance will not be accepted.
And these are those who go astray.
Those who are indifferent to warning and die as atheists:
There would not be accepted from one of them an earth full of gold were he to seek to ransom himself thereby.
They have a painful punishment.
And they have no helpers. (3:86-91)
Upon God is but acceptance of repentance from those who do evil in ignorance then repent soon after
And these are they towards whom God turns.
And God is knowing, wise.
And acceptance of repentance is not for those who do evil
(When death has come to one of them
He says: I repent now.)
Nor is it for those who die as atheists.
For these have we prepared a painful punishment. (4:17-18)
And when there come to thee those who believe in our proofs:
Say thou: Peace be unto you
Your lord has decreed upon himself mercy that whoso of you did evil through ignorance
Then turned in repentance after that
And did right:
He is forgiving, merciful.
And thus we set out and detail the proofs.
And that the way of the evildoers might be made manifest: (6:54-55)
And when there come to thee those who believe in our proofs:
Say thou: Peace be unto you
Your lord has decreed upon himself mercy that whoso of you did evil through ignorance
Then turned in repentance after that
And did right:
He is forgiving, merciful. (6:54)
See they not that they are subjected to means of denial once or twice every year?
Then do they turn not in repentance
Nor do they take heed. (9:126)
And when affliction touches men they call to their lord
Turning to him in repentance.
Then when they taste some mercy from him some of them ascribe a partnership to their lord
That they might deny what we have given them.
So enjoy yourselves
For you will come to know! (30:33-34)
Say thou: O my servants who commit excess against their souls:
Despair not of the mercy of God.
God forgives transgressions altogether.
He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.
And turn in repentance to your lord
And submit to him
Before there comes to you the punishment.
Then will you not be helped.
And follow the best of what is sent down to you from your lord
Before the punishment comes upon you unexpectedly when you perceive not
Lest a soul say: How I regret that I was remiss in what is due to God
And was among those who deride!
Or it say: Had God guided me I would have been among those of prudent fear.
Or it say when it sees the punishment:
Were I to return I would be among the doers of good.
Verily, my proofs came to thee
Then thou didst repudiate them
And wast proud
And wast among those who spurn guidance while claiming virtue. (39:53-59)
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