As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh my Dear Brother or Sister,
The obvious assumption is that I should be qualified to advise and warn and encourage you, and that I should be able to empathize with you. But the truth is, I came to Islam so long ago that I can scarcely remember how I felt. And, of course, religious conversion is the climax of an intricately personal story, the details of which no one can ever truly comprehend, and which you yourself may only barely be able to understand.
Chances are, you came to Islam because you recognized it. Not because anyone convinced you, not because you were argued into a corner out of which Christianity could not deliver you by some skillful Da’awah debater. I don’t know if you studied the religion before converting, or if it was an intuitive decision. And I don’t know if you scanned other religions before you considered Islam. But, ultimately, you recognized the truth of this Deen, and it was a relief, and an exhilarating discovery.
I am sure that you have had to adjust to many of the aspects of Islam that feel awkward or hard to digest, and this recalibration has not been easy, though you will be expected to pretend that it is, and you will, I’m sure, subdue the awkwardness stoically, if for no other reason than to avoid being lectured about submission by people who have never had to make those adjustments.
Whatever you recognized in Islam, hold onto it. Because you are about to experience a lot of things you will not recognize. Whatever you found beautiful about Islam, I am sorry to tell you, is about to be denied and belittled and you will be told, in one way or another, that your perception of its beauty is all wrong, by other Muslims. And, of course, what you will see in the Muslim community will probably make you feel isolated, and you will realize very quickly that what Islam means to them and what it means to you bear almost no similarity to each other.
You are about to become a stranger. You will no longer belong in the community and culture you grew up in, and you will be an oddity among the Muslims. Yes, there will be many who are delighted with you; but it will feel to you like the delight British colonialists experienced when they would, say, import a native from “the Dark Continent” and teach him to play the violin and wear a tuxedo. When they ask you to recite the Qur’an, it will feel like you are being asked to perform a party trick to amaze and entertain the audience. They will say that you are now as sinless as a child, and they will treat you like a child.
You will be invited to dinners and lunches at which you will only understand a fraction of what is being said, because everyone is speaking Arabic or Urdu, and you will just have to sit there with a benign, patient smile on your face. And when your turn comes to speak, it will inevitably be so that you can tell them how you came to Islam (as if it is a story that can be told, and as if it is a story that can be understood).
They will be proud of you, but, unfortunately, you will often be embarrassed by them, and you will quietly form the conviction that you believe in Islam despite what you see among the Muslims, not because of it.
(to be continued…)