This is the story about how my mother not only gave birth to me but saved me from a tragic death.
I’ve never told this to anyone, I decided to do it now that I have the chance not just to share it but to help someone in need too, to show peoples that everything is possible and life is gift we should be grateful for.
Well, how can I start this?
Being a depressive child, I never really knew what happiness was, while other kids were playing on the sand box I would sit in a corner waiting to go home even if my friends were trying to play with me. When I moved with grandma and my cousins, things started to get worse, being bullied by your cousins can’t be an easy thing right? They managed to make me think of myself as garbage, as worthless, so I grew up believing it.
Later around 15 years-old, depression and self-hatred caused me anorexia, my weight was 110 pounds (pretty normal considering I’m 5’1) and I thought I had to lose some weight, I started dancing more (9 hours per day to be exact) and without realizing...eating less. At first, I didn’t stop eating on purpose, but when I felt I was skinnier, I thought it was a good thing, so I stopped eating completely. Time passed just like my weight…it was 85 pounds and I was still feeling fat.
As time went by I became more depressed each day, I cut myself, hit my face, my thighs… and lastly, voices in my head appeared, I can’t even tell you how awful those voices were. Every single time I would try to sleep they just wouldn’t let me, they’d talk to me in public telling me to hurt myself, to kill myself right there in the moment. I started having anxiety attacks, alone, at college, with friends, etc. it didn’t matter where I was or whom I was with, this whole thing for sure was going to take my life away.
In case you don’t know, when you’re having an anxiety attack it’s extremely hard to control it at the moment, you’re not yourself anymore, almost as if some evil creature were inside your body harming you. Why do I explain this? Well, I feel like I need to do it before telling you what happened that miraculous day.
After two years of being fed up with the voices and myself, I decided it was a right decision to get rid of the pain by killing myself, I felt I couldn’t handle it anymore.
There I was, after an anxiety attack filling a cup with bleach ready to drink it. I was at home alone while my parents were working, usually my mom leaves work at 4:30 pm so there was no way my mom would get there at that time considering it was about 2 o’clock.
That day, for some reason my mom was feeling nervous at work, she didn’t know why, she just felt that way, after lunch, she finished all the papers she had to deliver her boss. She kept working until her boss told her she could leave earlier, didn’t need to ask her twice I guess, she took her purse and went to buy some stuff the house needed, once again her nerves took control of her body and decided to go straight home, she felt something was wrong. She hurried home with her heart pumping out of her chest to check if everything was ok.
She opens the door and runs to my door to find me sitting on the floor with my arms full of cuts and drinking almost halfway the glass, she froze for a second and knocked me out to reality, she instantly knew I wasn’t being myself in that moment and couldn’t help it. She held me tight in her arms for a brief moment and immediately I fainted. Fifteen minutes later, the ambulance arrived and they took me to the hospital, hours later they were able to stabilize me, I threw up all the poison and the doctor told my parents that if I had drunk the whole glass probably I’d be death by now and that it was a miracle she arrived early.
After that episode in my life, something woke me up, I knew I had to change my direction in life, I wouldn’t let this destroy me. I told my parents I needed help and that I could not stand it anymore. They sent me to a psychiatrist and a nutritionist, that’s when my life took an amazing turn.
My psychiatrist taught me to love myself and how to live with depression, it can’t be cured but you can learn how to live with it. Four years have passed, my weight is 99 pounds. I can finally say I’m happy with who I am and where I’m going in life, it was extremely hard, but I made it possible.
All thanks to that woman, the one who gave me life and the same who saved me from darkness, my amazing, beautiful and loving mother.
"If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love." -Stevie Wonder
I love you mom
With love, your beloved daughter.
Thanks to weheartit.com for the drawn picture.