Joke 1
Old ways won't open new doors
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/111
Joke 2
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Joke 3
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Joke 4
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.
Joke 5
A large, well-built man visited the vicarage and asked to see the vicar's wife, who was well known for her charity.
As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.'
'How frightful!' exclaimed the vicar's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'
The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord.'
Joke 6
Moses and Jesus are part of a Threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center of the pond and kind of hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out on the water and chips the ball right up onto the green.
Then, the third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a shack close by and rolls down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the fore mentioned pond.
On the way to the pond, the ball hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it comes quietly to rest. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps on the lily pad and snatches the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swoops down, grabs the frog and flies away. As they pass over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball, which bounces right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses leans over toward Jesus and whispers, "Do you think your Dad would teach me that shot?"
Joke 7
One day a boy saw a farmer selling a donkey for $100.00. The boy told the farmer he would pay the money if the farmer could deliver it to his house. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day but when he arrived at the boy's house there was no donkey.
He told the boy that the donkey died during the night. Saddened, the boy asked for his money back. "I'm afraid I have already spent the money." the farmer said.
Well, then just give me the donkey. said the boy. "
What are you going to do with a dead donkey?" asked the farmer. The boy told the farmer he would think of something, so the farmer delivered the donkey the next day.
The next month the farmer saw the boy and asked him what he ever did with the donkey. "I made $895.00 off of that thing." the boy said.
How could you make that much money off of a dead donkey? the farmer wanted to know.
The boy said, "I didn't tell anyone he was dead at first. I just put up signs around town that said I was going to raffle off a beautiful donkey for raffle tickets that cost $5.00 and I sold 200 tickets."
Wait a minute, said the farmer, "you said you made $895.00 but if you sold 200 tickets at $5.00 each that's $1,000.00. After you subtract the $100.00 you paid me you should have made $900.00,"
You're right, said the boy, "But when the winner found out the donkey was dead he was a little upset so I gave him his money back."
Joke 8
Q: Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Be Happy
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/112
Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2017/12/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-23-dec.html