Joke 1
I just want to spend the rest of my life laughing
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/205
Joke 2
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. - John F. Kennedy
Joke 3
A little girl asks her Johnny, "Where do little girls come from?"
Johnny says, "They come from a hard-on."
The little girl then asks her Johnny, "Where does a hard-on come from?"
Johnny says, "Girls!"
Joke 4
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.
Joke 5
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Blanton is on another line."
"This is Mr. Wellington's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"Well," the secretary replied, "He's talking to his wife, so I'd say he's mostly sheepish at the moment."
Joke 6
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"
Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two Ping-Pong balls and paints them black.
The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday!"
Joke 7
A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.
Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out "SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"
Joke 8
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Character
Original post: http://csyd.es/1/206
Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2018/01/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-9-jan.html
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