I have felt absolutely miserable (physically) over the past month...maybe longer. I'm so numb to it that I don't remember exactly.
I haven't been able to sleep well and I've more often than not felt like I didn't sleep at all upon waking, even if I slept for 8 or 9 hours. I've been exhausted throughout the entire day. Taking walks to get some sunlight after lunch hasn't helped, nor has continuing my gym regimen 3 days a week. Eating healthy hasn't really helped either.
The way I've been feeling has even affected my writing here. Most of the time, I can't write anything, even if I want to. I can't think straight, like there is thick fog inside my head.
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I've been at a loss as to how to help myself get better. Simply treating the symptoms has been of no help.
I've always felt in my heart that I can fix what is bothering me without medication and I still feel that way. I've seen medication ruin so many lives and I'm not interested in going that route.
Just because I've been doing everything right on the surface doesn't mean I am doing everything right.
The situation has forced me to dive into my psyche to find the root of my problem. Everything on the surface is for show and currently useless for solving my problems.
For someone who preaches about positive thinking and how I've been getting better about it in my own life, I am most definitely underperforming in that department if I look at myself honestly. I'm not being a hypocrite -- I just want to do everything right so badly, for my own sake, that I force it and therefore, brainwash myself.
Think positive, stupid! It's what is best for you!
My body is no fool, however. It knows I'm a liar.
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I've had to ask myself what is bothering me. I have extreme anxiety and I've had it for a very long time. I'd say it's mostly work/financial-related.
Having an honest, heart-to-heart talk with myself is what is called for. I don't need to impress anyone. The world in general might be in a downward spiral, but that isn't something I should let stress me out personally even though I have been letting it. I know I have myself taken care of.
The bottom line is: I have to be better at filtering out the negativities of every day life.
I'm getting there. One day at a time.