The "Stranger Danger" Lie? When we put the numbers together on this one, we were SHOCKED, and we think you will be too....
Parents, stay with me on this one, because it’s going to get controversial, but it’s one of the most important things that a parent can know to keep their child safe.
Here’s the harsh bit of truth that isn’t popular:
The only reason the term "Stranger Danger" is popular is because it rhymes.
According to research, the reality is that only 115 kids per year are abducted in the “media-sensationalized” sense - meaning by someone they do not know, who removes them from a safe place, and takes them with the intent to harm them, kill them, or demand ransom.
The VAST majority (200,000+) of “kidnappings” are by family members, or someone the child knows.
So, when we WASTE our time talking about "stranger danger", we're telling our kids that they can lower their guard around adults they "know". We’re training our kids to look out for fictionalized “bad guys”, and we aren’t giving them the proper tools to identify the REAL bad guys.
It's VITAL that your child feels EMPOWERED to ask questions and demand respect from adults. No one - not a teacher, a family friend, a weird uncle - no one, gets to touch your child in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. It's your child's RIGHT to speak up if that happens, and our responsibility as parents and educators to be sure your child knows it.
Does your child have the confidence to speak up if, God forbid, something happens?
That's one of the things we talk about in our classes. Yes, we talk about actual kicks and punches that could hurt an "real" kidnapper, but more importantly, we teach kids who to use their "big" voices to say things like "STOP" or "I DON'T LIKE THAT AND I WILL TELL MY MOM” or practical tips like how to create space, and not be an “easy” victim.
We teach kids that their bodies and minds belong to them and how to recognize it if someone is trying to manipulate them into doing something they don't want.
So, next time you hear the words "stranger danger", make sure your child knows it isn’t just “strangers” that must respect your child’s space, but everyone!
Sincerely,
Jim Lehrer
P.S. If this is a bit hard to swallow, it was for us too. We went over and over the numbers from multiple primary sources, and it’s legit. The reality is that our kids need to be empowered in their autonomy, because that’s the only thing that will produce enough confidence that they can say “NO!” when the time comes