Imagine your everyday thoughts and behaviors as a cloth–woven together in intricate patterns–each thought and behavior like a thread, interconnected and often repeating in similar fashion. By examining these complex patterns, you may start to discover many things about yourself. During such contemplation, examine perceptions, triggers, urges, thoughts, values, behaviors, rewards, consequences, rituals, addictions, and so forth. Each of these threads create the fabric of your external and internal environments. You may begin to see how a sequence of events has lead you to make the relationships you share with the people and objects around you. You may also trace the sources of how your personal concept of “self” has been formed over time.
At some point in your life, you began weaving the threads of kratom use into this cloth. Little by little, you began to use kratom more frequently. As more of these threads were added, eventually a routine of regular kratom use was established. A pattern of triggers, thoughts, behaviors and rewards continued to emerge, until this sequence solidified into addiction. From which point, your relationship with kratom became a major aspect of yourself and the world around you. I know how this process happens, I too was addicted and the thought of losing kratom felt overwhelming…almost like losing a part of myself. Fortunately, this feeling was just an illusion.
Now just take a moment and consider the many ways your daily life is effected by this addiction. I would guess you’ve found a kratom vendor who you buy from on a regular basis. Nevertheless, you might still spend time shopping around for better products or better prices. You likely have a place to store and measure your kratom; a method of mixing your kratom; and a time when you take kratom. Also, you’ve probably developed a diet and lifestyle which help produce stronger effects of your drug use. Undoubtably, there are things you enjoy doing–and things you do well–while kratom is in your system. You most likely wake up and look forward to using kratom–and when you finally do take your daily dose(s)–you enjoy the feeling you get from the drug. All kinds of rituals and routines can be created around kratom use, and I’m sure you have been creating them for some time now.
Just know, I’m not judging you in the least. I only know these things, because I used several tablespoons of kratom everyday for over a year. It’s a sneaky little drug. At first, it seems nearly impossible that addiction could ever become a problem with such a mild herb. However, you and I are not alone. Addiction seems to surprise many of us in the same sneaky way. Fortunately, there are ways to remove the unwanted threads of kratom use from the fabric of our lives, and I’m here to help you figure out how to do just that!
With these things in mind, you’ll notice, a transformation is required in order to quit kratom successfully. You must change the repeating patterns in the fabric of your everyday life. The good news is, you’ve already entered the first stage of said transformation. Anthropologists often look at transformation as a three phase process: the pre-liminal stage, the liminal stage, and the post-liminal stage. Essentially, there is a preparation for change, a rite of passage to mark the transformation, and a reincorporation into life with an altered identity and way of living. Because you’re reading this article, you have already entered the pre-liminal stage–preparing for your transformation. You are currently a regular kratom user; however, you have begun making arrangements (doing research) to cease this way of life and will soon undergo a period of unpleasant withdrawals. During withdrawals, you’ll neither use kratom nor feel recovered from the prior drug abuse. It’s a difficult adjustment period, and you may feel cravings and sadness for a few months. While struggling in-between addiction and recovery, you’ll be in the second phase of transformation–the liminal stage. To be successful, it’s important that you stay the course during the uncomfortable time of transitioning; and to do that, you should prepare for the liminal stage by creating a formal plan of action.
So what can you do to prepare for the next phase of transformation? Before you can figure that out, it’s important to understand certain behaviors will make the liminal stage of transformation more effective than others. Interestingly enough, the fact it will be challenging and stressful, will also ensure that it’s truly transformative. Once you take your last dose of kratom, you’ll soon feel overwhelmed and unsettled. Overcoming these feelings of distress will be important in restoring your brain to its healthy functioning and will also help you to emerge with a new view of yourself as someone stronger and wiser than you once were. So there are two goals here: First, restore and improve your brain’s ability to function without kratom. Second, transform your view of self into something stronger than you were before the addiction took hold of you.
Restoring Your Brain’s Ability to Function:
As I’ve discussed in some earlier articles, regular kratom use alters the brain’s ability to produce the proper amounts of endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline. After chronic use of any opioid, it is common to experience depression, irritability, and many other unpleasant emotional and physical sensations until recovery is complete. If rain was the only thing that could make you happy in the world, during kratom withdrawal, you’d likely feel as though the world had become a harsh desert landscape. There can be days without a cloud in sight. You must keep in mind, when the drought is upon you, and you’re desperate for rain, kratom will seem like the best solution because it’s the easiest solution. But we both know, quick and easy solutions are usually not the best solutions. In this case, there are other ways to start attracting some happy rain clouds your way–things that can force your brain to naturally produce endorphins dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline without using kratom.
Because you will likely feel depressed and overwhelmed at first, it’s good to start small and to schedule your activities (I used my smartphone calendar). The goal is to become absorbed into an activity that stimulates your brain and keeps you in a state called “flow.” That is to say, to remain in a positive state where you are fully immersed in an activity until you feel an energizing focus and enjoyment in that moment. After such an activity, it is good to reward yourself–even if that simply means telling yourself, “good job!”
Forcing yourself into a state of flow is difficult when you’re not feeling well. Flow seems to be easily achieved when kratom is flowing through the veins; but when you’re in withdrawals, it take some willpower to find the motivation. This is why I suggest creating a list of things you can do to achieve flow. Each activity can be done for short lengths of time, and you can build on them with practice. These activities are like new threads to weave into the fabric of your life. Below are some activities I believe are good for your recovering brain.
Above all other practices, I highly suggest meditation. I also think prayer can help. Although I’m not a religious person, and don’t want to turn this into a discussion on the origins of the universe or something off topic, prayer and meditation have some very similar qualities. I simply would like to encourage you to intentionally perform the act of sitting in stillness and focusing your mind. There are many methods of meditation. For beginners, there are countless videos on YouTube and apps that can be downloaded to your smartphone. One app I enjoy is called “Insight Timer.” The app has many guided meditations to help you learn and to keep your mind focused on a positive message. It’s a well made tool and there’s enough quality content to keep you interested for years to come. Also, Insight Timer tracks how long you meditate and has large social communities built-in. If you were wondering, I have nothing to gain from promoting their app and there’s dozens of others out there–if you’d rather find something else, I’m sure you won’t have a problem. Also, it’s important you make the experience of meditation as enjoyable as possible. I suggest using incense or an essential oil defuser; listening to calming sounds or music (such as Native American flutes or singing bowls); and setting up a comfortable place to sit. In short, formal and deliberate meditation is the best place to start your recovery. It’s simple to get started, you can do it at home or in nature, and you’ll quickly notice improvements in your mood if you practice regularly.
The next few suggestions don’t require a lot of explanation. When you’re feeling at your worst, try taking a shower. Experiment with the water temperature. Many people claim a cold shower will force the brain to produce more endorphins–definitely something worth trying! A hot tub or sauna can provide a similar effect. When I was going through Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)–which is the long period of depression after quitting opioid use–my wife and I would go on walks throughout my neighborhood. During one of these walks, I discovered a labyrinth on the property of a beautiful old Episcopalian church near my house. I would often walk to the labyrinth and follow the path, again and again. This is a form of meditation and very soothing. Similar to walking, taking a long drive can be helpful in calming the mind. Drive peacefully through the country, near the ocean, or in the mountains. Hopefully, your drive can lead you to somewhere beautiful–perhaps you’ll end up on top of a mountain, at a scenic beach, or near a waterfall if possible! If you live in a city, there’s likely some magnificent architecture nearby. To look up at the high ceilings of an old cathedral or to look out from a tall building are both excellent methods for creating a sense of awe within. These awe inspiring moments are exactly what you need during recovery.
As you begin to progress, you may seek more intense activities. Perhaps you can visit your local pool and jump off a diving board a few times. Hike a path to a waterfall or to the summit of a small mountain. I highly recommend challenging your ability to balance mind and body during a yoga class or doing yoga at home (see my article on yoga). If you can, push yourself a little out of your comfort zone, but not too far. Attend church or volunteer in the community for an hour. Having some social support is always a good idea. Attending your local Narcotics Anonymous might help with keeping you on track. If you like sports, consider visiting your local recreational center to play basketball or see what other sports might be available. An hour at the driving range or an afternoon of fishing might be less draining, if your energy levels are still flatlined. If you have a gym membership, hit the weight room or jump on a cardio machine. Of course, you can always run outside. During this time, I found that listening to rhythmic tribal drums while exercising had a positive impact on my mood. There’s something powerful about tuning into our ancient, primitive instincts while healing from depression or apathy.
If all of these physical activities aren’t appealing to you, try painting or writing. If you’ve never written in a journal or expressed your thoughts with poetry, here’s your chance! If you play the accordion or kazoo–do that. Perhaps, try a new video game or board game that interests you. While recovering, I enjoyed sitting in my local book store cafe. I could have a latte, listen to peaceful music in my headphones, and write or read. Any of these activities can be used to enter the mental state of flow that I described earlier. Of course, if none of these things are bringing you happiness, keep searching and being patient…things will improve eventually. These ideas are simply recommendations to help kickstart your brain again. It’s important not to overdo it. There’s no reason to run a marathon or go skydiving right now. Even a vacation may be too much stress. You can do those things another time. For now, keep it simple and within reason! Time heals all wounds and consistency will see you through this.
Transforming Self:
The transformative power of formal rituals and cermonies shouldn’t be underestimated. For all of recorded history, people have used rites of passage and ceremony to mark important milestones and changes in life. Weddings, funerals, baptisms, and so on. I remember my college graduation well–simply moving my silly hat’s tassel was a symbol to show I was now an “educated” person. Bootcamp was a rite of passage I endured in 2001. Tribal people in Africa have killed animals to show they’re no longer children, and the Maoris of New Zealand have bungee jumped from tall trees to enter manhood. A list of ceremonies could be made for every culture on earth. Why? Because humans have always recognized rituals as powerful transformative symbols.
This all might seem a little crazy, but that’s kind of what I’m going for here. You can create a memorable experience that brings you out of your normal, mundane life. I highly suggest you pick a day to dispose of your entire supply of kratom and that you ritualize the event. You make a “kratom sacrafice,” so to speak. So what does that mean? The following is an example of what you could do.
Next Saturday, before the sun has come up, you wrap all of your kratom in a white piece of fabric and tie it up with some twine. You drink a ceremonial cup orange Gatorade (some cultures would drink alcohol or take hallucinogens–but might not be a good idea). The color of the Gatorade is a symbol to do the opposite of drinking green kratom. Your breakfast consists of white rice, egg whites, and white cheese melted over the eggs. The food symbolizes the new purity of what you consume. Each bite of food is chewed slowly and with complete mindfulness of what it represents. You shower well and dress in comfortable, light colored clothes. Completely refreshed, with the kratom in your backpack, you leave your house and head to a local trail. You have a playlist created on your smartphone. The music includes sounds of singing bowls and Native American flute music. This music plays as you walk the path, repeating, “God or Universe, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” With each step, feel the ground under your feet. With each breath, feel the air passing through your nostrils. After a somewhat challenging hike, you arrive at a cliff over a river. Sorry environmentalists–I normally wouldn’t suggest this, but this is a very rare occasion. You step up to the cliff. You look down at the river and thank it for its beautiful, cleansing power. Then you throw the kratom off the cliff and into the river. You watch the kratom sink to the depths of the river. After taking a deep breath of relief, you sit in meditation with an incense stick burning next to you–sending its smoke high into the heavens. There you sit in peace, feeling gratitude for your ability to change and grow into a stronger, more wise person. All of this, symbolizing your desire to face addiction and to call on forces more powerful than yourself to assist in overcoming the challenges that await.
This of course is just an example of how you might dispose of your kratom. But the point is, make it a rite of passage. Make it strange. Take time to demonstrate your deliberate effort to make a huge change in your life. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, or Muslim…I don’t think that matters here. There’s no proper way of saying goodbye to kratom–so be creative and include the important aspects to ritual transformation. Make the experience symbolic, meaningful, challenging, and deliberate. Once you have disposed of your kratom, don’t waste your time looking back. You will feel better before you know it. Begin focusing on what the new patterns of your life’s fabric will look like. Once the new you has emerged, you’ll be forever grateful kratom is no longer your crutch in life.