Wow, what a fantastic event. It was only a few minutes but it was like a sword shoved into the heart of a vampire. Man, that was exhilarating!
I found a long lost acquaintance that I had served with in the Krishna consciousness movement many years ago. At that time they were the leader of a group of ladies who were traveling and selling things, hand carved candles, decorative art, whatever would make some profit to support the newly acquired properties for establishing the Krishna consciousness culture in the Mideastern United States.
We were a rough and tumble group and really it was a lot of fun as group comradery focused on a common goal bring a kind of joy and enlivenment. I butted heads at least a few times with the leader. Each time it was when my own sense of self was expressed. In order to survive in the situation, I would have to be no one. Just go out and sell things. But that definitely goes against my nature. I believed in the ultimate cause and goal, Krishna Consciousness but for me, the ends and the means would have to be the same. Here they were apparently different and I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.
I was alive and vibrant. I experienced emotions and had insights and revelations. The other members of the party, for the most part, were fine with me and my ecstasies and I performed my service well. But I was not welcome or appreciated by the leader who was now appearing more and more like an ogre.
We would travel and stay at campgrounds. Usually, there was a swimming pool. One game I loved to play was a kind of charades. So instead of just floating and splashing like a fish or a turtle, I would get the members of the group to play the charade game at the pool. One person would stand on the edge of the pool and strike a pose that the others would have to guess.
The pose could be Krishna playing the flute,
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or Narasingha Deva tearing the demon apart,
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or several of the group could combine to appear like Sita, Rama, Laksmana Hanuman.
..
When the rest of us who were watching shouted out the Names the devotees striking the pose would dive into the pool. It was great fun. We could ply like that for hours. Mostly there was no one at the pool so it was a private pool party.
The ogre couldn't stand it. Finally, she came out to the pool glared at me and screamed to stop. "Stop it immediately!!!" What was her problem?
Another time a box of sweets came through the mail from one of the projects we were supporting. The ogre passed out a sweet to each of us. I immediately tried to pop it into my mouth. These sweets were not ordinary candies. They were Indian sweets made at the community and offered as spiritual food. The remnants were considered sacred and there is instruction in the scripture that they should be accepted immediately. Which is what I was about to do.
The ogre grabbed my arm and stopped me saying, "Not until I tell you."
Sorry but this was not going to fly with me. I proceeded to pop it into my mouth anyway and at that time she physically attacked. She had a very small frame but caught me off guard and threw me to the ground and was about punch me in the face. Does anyone see a problem here?
She absolutely hated me. I could not be brought under her control because I was already under the control of the Lord. My joyfulness and exuberance could not be crushed and only grew more and more. Finally, as the group was dismantled and the service was no longer needed she growled at me, "Go bless someone else for a while."
I simply tolerated the abuse. It has now come to light that at one time she was a teacher in an elementary school and had done some really bizarre things to the children, locking them in closets naked, and who knows what else.
So now after many years, we have met again. And she is still struggling with this abusive nature. I think she knows I hold a key to her freedom. We have a history that I can use to unravel her entanglement.
I visited her the other day and it was a pleasant visit. She made tea and we discussed philosophy and current events. I invited her to a meeting that night where the people would be discussing spontaneous devotion to the Lord. She was very excited to attend.
But she hadn't been seated more than five minutes when she attacked me in her usual way. I had commented to the group that I had heard some devotees of Krishna present that spontaneous love of God is not possible for us in this life. Immediately the ogre came out and attacked me, wagging her finger and scowling.. looking like the Wicked Witch of the West, "If you believe that you.... blah blah blah." As if she thought I was saying that I believed that. Which I don't.
What I did next was indeed spontaneous. I said very loudly and clearly, "Jesus Christ! You're not listening! I didn't say 'I' believe that. I said that I heard some devotees speaking like that." and with great force, I drew the sword and aimed for the demon in the heart, "You have a hearing problem. You can't hear!"
It wasn't so much what I said in and of itself, it was the force of it. The vibration. The transmission coming from my heart to her heart. The walls shook. Everyone had to catch their breath. It was a roar. She sat there with her mouth dropped open, and glazed over eyes. It was great. Krishna working through me. He does that. Works through people. The demon was exposed. Her bloodthirsty taste for overloading others, not just me, was clearly visible. Even to her. Stripped naked in front of everyone. Wow!
Who says Krishnas consciousness isn't fun.