This is a continuation of a series on positive bisexual representation in the media that began last month, with a profile on the character of Alex Kelly from The O.C. What I didn't say in that post – but which I will say now – is that I'm doing this series because the portrayal of bi characters in film or T.V. has often been negative, playing on the same old tropes such as they're greedy, they're indecisive, they're shallow, they're incapable of commitment ... all those joyous things that bi people love to hear in real life when we disclose our identities to those around us. 🙈 These articles do a good job of explaining the issues involved:
Alex Kelly was one example of a more nuanced, realistic bisexual T.V. character who stood out to me at a time when I was struggling to make peace with myself ... and the inimitable Dr. Calliope "Callie" Torres of Grey's Anatomy was another.
I am sure I'm not the only queer woman whose heart leapt out of her chest on multiple occasions as she followed Callie's journey to self-realisation and fulfilment on the show.
Image Credit: Bitch Flicks
Callie made her first appearance on Grey's Anatomy in 2006 as a romantic interest for Dr. George O'Malley. Their relationship and subsequent marriage was doomed to fail over the fact that George was, essentially, unable to get over a crush he had on their colleague Izzie Stevens. I sympathised deeply with Callie when it came to light that George had cheated on her with Izzie. She allowed her sense of betrayal and loss to keep building up until it exploded out of her during a confrontation with a deceased patient's partner. This man had refused to allow his partner to live with him until she lost enough weight. The woman had responded by frantically dieting to try and please him, and by doing so, she had ended up in Seattle Grace Hospital, dying of complications related to malnutrition.
When Callie confronted her partner over his actions, all he had to offer up in response was the feeble comment: "I loved her." Callie's resulting diatribe – delivered while rain poured down all around her, and emotion was wrought into every inch of her face – has to be one of the finest, most heart-rending moments I have ever seen on television.
You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone, or maybe she was good for your ego, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!
Following her divorce from George, Callie struck up a friendship with Addison Montgomery, who was dealing with the fallout of her own marriage breakup. Side note: To be 100% honest, I always secretly hoped that something would happen between Callie and Addison. However, the two were always platonic friends and never anything other than that. Those two could have made each other so happy, damn it! Allow me to present the following heart-melting moments as evidence...
And this exchange, in particular....
MY HEART. 💔
All GIFs were sourced on Tumblr (where the "Caddison" fandom is LIT). 😂
As it was, however, Addison was the first person who knew that Callie had developed feelings for a visiting doctor named Erica Hahn – she knew it even before Callie herself did – and she was the first one to directly ask Callie about it, saying "you two seem like a couple ... a really happy couple."
To me, there was always something a little bit offputting about Erica. She seemed too dour – too staid and serious – to ever match up with Callie's warm, vibrant spirit. I really wasn't happy with the moment when Erica criticised her by saying, "you can't kind of be a lesbian." Callie deserved better, damn it!
Callie's turmoil over her emerging feelings for Erica was instantly relatable for any bisexual person who has ever struggled to put themselves into the "gay" or "straight" box. She was initially reluctant to acknowledge what was going on and tried to laugh it off by telling Addison, "I like penis. I'm a huge, huge fan of penis." She went back to sleeping with her on-again, off-again friend-with-benefits Mark Sloan, desperate to convince herself she was heterosexual. After sleeping with Erica, she struggled to decide whether she preferred sex with men or with women, before finally realising that she enjoyed both. Erica's harsh, coldly delivered rejection – “you can’t kind of be a lesbian” – hurt her just as much as the painful process of divorcing George had. It also tapped into the latent biphobia that bisexual people can face within the LGBT+ community.
Grey's Anatomy's portrayal of Callie and her struggle went far beyond the judgemental, knee-jerk "bisexuals are greedy and confused" portrayal that was so common in media at the time (things have improved since then, but there is still some work to be done).
Callie eventually learned to be unapologetic and outspoken about her orientation. The word "bisexual" is rarely mentioned in movies or T.V. When Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine openly said "I'm dating a woman. I'm bi" just a few months ago, it caused a sensation among bi people because we've become so used to the "no labels" rhetoric that is so often trotted out in film or T.V. whenever a character is neither gay nor straight. Callie's proud usage of the word "bi" caused a lump to rise to my throat.
Image Credit: Bitch Flicks
Callie's relationship with Arizona Robbins has gone down as one of the best portrayals of a lesbian relationship in T.V. history. Here, too, Callie's interest in Arizona was met with an instance of biphobia – Arizona would not consider dating her at first because she was a "newborn" when it came to lesbian relationships – but their love gradually blossomed and it was a joy to watch. Their struggles on the show ranged from amusing to heart-wrenching, just like those of the heterosexual couples. They were given many opportunities to face growth, hardship, laughter and love together. However, Arizona was sometimes insecure over Callie’s bisexuality, and was known to use it against her during heated arguments.
Callie's iconic "you can't pray the gay away" speech – one that she made while coming out to her disapproving father – was a moment that really stood out to me. Her refusal to cower in shame was contrasted with the emotional breakdown she endured when her family would not accept her or love her for who she was. Though her father did eventually find some level of peace with Callie's orientation, the show made it clear that her mother never would.
Callie left Grey's Anatomy in 2016 and I have missed her ever since.
I will leave the final word to Ramirez herself, who explains in this interview what her decision to come out meant to her.
Image Credit for Sara Ramirez: Pop Sugar
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