Hello, My Dearly Missed Steemians!
It's no understatement to say that I belong on Steemit and that I hold a strong sense of family and community here. But it's also no secret that I have been missing in action.
In the last several months since the Fall, my life has taken a strong spiral downward. I found myself beyond stressed -- between work deadlines, Steemit posts, closing on my first home, trying to make sure I drink enough water . . . I was LOSING it.
After several weeks of (what felt like) close call heart attacks/near death experiences, I decided to go to the doctor. (And by "decided" I mean my wife 
The doctor entertained me by checking my heart and lungs and heart again, just to assure me that my body was firing on all cylinders (EXCEPT MY BRAIN LOLZ). She talked with me for over an hour and it was the first time in months that I felt like I could take full, deep, normal paced breaths. It was the first time I could reach into my brain for a rational thought and not just find static.
By the end of that session, she said the diagnosis was simple:
"You have classic anxiety."
Anxiety.
Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder.
ANXIETY. WTF?
I have never thought it could be ME and but here I was just so f*king thankful to have an answer for the constant tension and mental disarray.
I am slowly learning to reintegrate hobbies into my life, Steemit being the one I've missed most. As I jump back in, I hope to connect with others that are learning to live with mental health challenges. It's a constant battle of refusing to let your condition diminish your qualify of life, yet all the while yielding to the realities that you must live different. I look forward to reconnecting with old friends (shout out to the LGBT+ crew!) and am hopeful to connect with new, fresh faces and stories.
This is my first post in a long time, and I hope it's not my last. But if it is, I won't let the drive crazy because I am learning to do things out of my desire to BE BETTER, not just DO BETTER. But more on that later...
