Please read my horror story in FULL. I needed to share this with the world because the other day, it felt as though I might not get that chance. I'm sharing some pictures that I've taken of bugs and other unknown things along the way, and here is one that is freaky - and I couldn't see what it was until I zoomed in, and I still don't know what it is... Either way, all the pictures in this post are zoomed into and cropped for lack of vision in seeing what these things are - I was set out to find that out.
Where I've been feeling like I'm going through hell with Woodlawn Terrace Apartments Mice, and now louse and lice. Come on – The CDC recognizes this as an STD – and I was abstinent living there. Never having met my standards of living or meeting me with my tenant rights, and I'm just being told to walk away – and I can't walk away from this. It's too much to fold over to try, try and try again. Too much pain and stress that I've lived for no one to see what I've been going through where I've wished that I was on 24 hour surveillance for the world to see just what I was experiencing. If there is not lice or louse, then why are we bagging up all our clothes whether dirty or clean afraid to spread lice or itchy bugs around? It's hard to keep track of everything when you're forced to live as I've had to. And, I've got nowhere else to go to express my concerns other then writing about it as no one can even believe me and I'm not being treated – not even my own mom living in the same place I'm in – and bagging up clothes and acting as though something is jumping around – but when it comes time to stand up for her son in the fact that I'm here living and dealing with all this too – except when it's me, it's just me and me alone. I want to help more then I've been allowed to be able to help for reasons of not being paid right or paid at all from the current employer I have, and when you're being hurt from all these angles, and mice are running around causing you to have lice – how are we supposed to live, and be able to keep up with regular cleaning while these things continue to happen and in a most unnatural and horrible way. And, now that there hasn't been a mouse for a while, and we've been just dealing with bugs – it seems as though these bugs have only gotten smarter because they are able to hide – and hide really well and fast. It's as if they are able to continue living through your trying to torture them and kill them. But, when you're run out of money, and ability to use the money you do end up getting in a manner that can even help you in these kinds of conditions, what else is a person supposed to do other then lie down in it feeling as though their whole world has been sucked away from them - WHEN IT HAS! But, it's gotten to a detrimental state that allows you to fall asleep and while you sleep you're not getting even a tiny bit of real rest because you're not just feeling itchy like having dry skin – but you're feeling lice crawl or some kind of bug crawl around on your skin and into your pants and in places that you won't want to mention or dare talk about. (It's the kind of feeling that makes you not want to be around people for fear that they will get it too, and you don't want anyone to feel the ways you do...) The kind of rest you needed was taken away from you – just like your hours for pay just before the holidays – it's enough to completely break you. It's completely unconscionable to me to have to keep dealing with all these things while paying rent in a place I feel is uninhabitable and no one else can come see it. Rent for a place I don't get to live in!? Who would I want to pay that rent!? Oh yeah, my own mom does for fear of retaliation from the people running their "business!" My own mom wants to pay, and my human family doesn't want to get involved so much that they tell me these concerns of mine aren't worth fighting for. It's as if I don't mean anything to these people the same ways that they would matter to me if they were coming to me with these issues – and I would believe them because I've dealt with them before on a few occasions that it's literally starting to transform my way of life. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about how to get out, and feeling as though I can't handle another buggy feeling again. The slightest breeze depresses me, and the slightest tone the wrong way – flips my mind around, and I can't seem to get my head around the facts here to carry this thing out on my own, so I've been searching endlessly for help. Facts that I'm feeling like I'm already dead in ways makes me feel like fighting even more because I just don't want people to feel the ways I've had to feel and with no character in the world that can see to it that you pull through. (And we're lucky when we find those that DO care.) Feelings as though I'm already dying and I already don't matter enough to anyone the same ways that I wished someone would it gets to be too much for anyone to bear alone, and yet – I'm alone feeling in it – by myself with my concerns. But, I'm losing my mind. I can't concentrate like I used to be able to, and not like I would like to again. I just can't concentrate on anything while these things keep jumping on me, crawling on me and leaving me detrimental feeling and when I break down – it feels as though I'm not even allowed to feel what I am feeling because no one believes that I'm being attacked by bugs and maybe just don't want to believe it so badly because it causes a lot of people really high anxiety and fills people with emotions and some to detrimental ends – like stay the hell away from me. But, I know I am feeling them when I've seen them and have been feeling and dealing with them for almost a year now. I told myself that if I can't get help before the holidays again that I couldn't go on anymore or that I wouldn't want to... and while I'm asking my own family for help and no one can even offer me anything more then telling me that I'm on my own in it – I'm scared that I'm not ever noticed where I am concerned and sharing some real concerns that should matter. I'm scared that I'm feeling real lice and real itchy from the lice and other unknown bugs in the place, and I have a real case against the place I live and all along while, all my family can tell me is how not to press for my concerns, and how to just stop talking about it. No one wants to hear you talk about it anymore! And, it's crying wolf to my family where I'm not crying wolf because I'm not making any of this stuff up. These things were really happening and even when you treat yourself with lice killing shampoo's the issues never seem to go away. It's as if the place is embedded with lice and other bugs like dust mites and spiders and other unknown bugs. I'm being made into a vulnerable adult where I'm concerned because I feel neurologically attacked by the real issues themselves and through technologies that I've been wishing we could do without. I've gone into the Emergency Room about these concerns feeling as though I just want to die and telling that to the nurse and the doctor, and all that I get is the fact that I've got chest congestion and sent back with no concern for the conditions I'm being left in at home and to take allergy medications. And, when my own mom is wrapping up clothes and then just telling me that she's not feeling the same things, tells me that the black mold is also affecting her as she'll be one way when it's affecting her personally, but – when it's not affecting her, it's as if I'm not feeling the same things that you are even though you're acting accordingly to feeling something right along with me. Though we've agreed that this place was uninhabitable and that we needed to press for our concerns here – when other family gets involved – she flips around as if nothing I say or anything that she's been feeling has been the same as I have been for fear of not being able to see her grand-kids and see the family – so it gets to feeling really bad when it makes you feels scared to go around the people you love for fear that they won't want to come help you – feelings from the bugs, or the mycotoxins from the black molds or both.
What do you do when you're not only feeling as though you're itchy from being highly allergic to black mold, but you're also being attacked by real body lice that no one wants to admit to when it's you it's happening to and it still is happening. But, when it's my own family feeling these things – then and only then does she agree with me that this place is uninhabitable and that we're together on it, but I also know that in her health she cannot take all the stress that she is basically now being left in. But, even though we're together on it, I'm being told I'm on my own with it and that I'm on my own expressing my concerns as she has enough of her own battles to face with her health that I see is deteriorating from this place we're living and some of which are from this place alone. I just want to be able to express my concerns and have them met with the same belief that these things are happening to me – and good luck trying to work like that – you're not allowed to sleep or live but you're expected to work somehow. It's literally feeling like an impossibility where I'm concerned because when she's concerned and making sense about it – it doesn't seem to matter when we get on the same page because it's expressed that I'm on my own and that if I can't make it on my own two feet fighting all these things – then, “I don't know what to tell you,” you don't listen to anything I have to say anyways, and that we need to split – we both have different idea's... then she says, “you don't care about me Matt,” or, “you don't want your mom to be happy.” And, that is far from the truth – I'm just trying to get on the same page with this place and not be told what to do every single splitting second of every day, and the second I flip like “will you just stop talking to me like I'm a child all the time,” she then tells me that nothing is working out between us – even though it's this place that is causing us to have this much stress in the first place – I'm being left in the blame of how no one in life should have to go through what I'm going through and out of fear of retaliation and bizarre behaviors that places and people with concerns of a million dollar case – you could imagine how bad things could get, am I right? And my job working as a Personal Care Attendant for a business that is not paying me my hours in full - that is not only disenfranchising me but it's also hurting her worse when I can deal a whole lot better about not being paid then she can handle the money issues along with her other health concerns! I feel these people who write my checks shouldn't even have their business licenses to keep doing what they are doing, and who will continue to keep doing what they will do if I can't be heard about these real issues and what I feel are crimes against me, and crimes against my mom and crimes against the other people that they are willing to fudge paper-work for to get an extra bit of money. I'm here as a protector to my mom, and she doesn't see how badly she's abusive towards me in all of this either. All she does it tell me how I don't want her to be happy even though I really do, and then tells me that she feels something too, but since she's gone into the dermatologist and I haven't been able to make it to one while being sabotaged financially – that she just trusts these outlets and the fact that one person looked at her once, or even a few times to see nothing while these louse are fast. (In other words, they aren't going to see them – because no one truthfully wants to even look for lice.) They aren't going to see them in a whole half hour of watching these peoples skin, because they just aren't going to find something that when I'm going to slap down some anti lice shampoo on it that it's able to move faster that I'm able to get it there.
I've also read about these bad infestations and how guys have it worse then women do, and while I was working for her, not getting paid right or paid at all at this moment in time, and to top it all off I was having to deal with all the mice issues that were here where if she had to deal on her own here – I doubt she'd even be alive to tell me what a fuck up I am, or to tell me how I don't ever listen, or how I don't care for her to be happy, or how I don't ever do shit right if I wasn't there to take care of the first mouse to the last bug or louse that I've had to deal with. She doesn't realize that it's causing us both to have behavioral issues when anyone would have these issues and that it's not her that needs to get away from me more then I needed to get away from this environment, and while I'm paying rent here, drained and unable to sleep in my own bed – I've been completely pushed out of living naturally, and have even found the building codes that state the imminent danger that we are in, but when I'm wanting to press for my tenant rights – no one even cares that I want these things done – as if I'm just supposed to forget about it, and go work somewhere and just stop talking about bugs. My brothers wife says, “Matt, there aren't any bugs here.” She's here for a whole half hour, and that's not enough time to discover the way I'm feeling. Not to mention the black mold in my room where I'm just told repeatedly – why don't you try and get comfortable in your bedroom again, and see if you can't sleep again in your room and why not take some sleep medications to help you sleep. And, my answer is that it's hard enough to want to sleep with the ways that I've been feeling as though bugs are jumping in my ears and crawling around on my skin – I know that it's this place, and I know that the mice brought them here, and I know that I've been living in hell ever since. But, when I'm not even allowed to express these concerns where I'm not able to get around, and when I'm feeling all these things and people are telling me that I'm not unless I get seen by some doctor that doesn't treat these issues just treats my symptoms, I'm being affected in a way where I see clear through the care – in that these people don't care what-so-ever if I were to die with these concerns or not. In fact, going into jail the other day about the things that I've been going through caused me to snap a little bit as I feel anyone would, and I mentioned these things to the police officers and to the nurse staff in the jail and not one person would personally care about anyone in there, and especially not if you were in there do they seem like they would care if you weren't even supposed to be there. They simply just don't care. They would leave you in it to die I do believe, and that my friends is scary. Some of these people have no family and no friends and nobody to rely on, and what's even scarier is what you hear about. My advice is to just stay a little leery, if you're not already petrified.
I just want to be heard as if I'm a real person. You don't have to believe me even – but, it'd be nice to say something is happening to me, and just get people that believe you as you're not the type to cry wolf or make up some story. You're the type to cry out for help, but you're not the type to call out for help that you really don't feel you need. And, to tell you the truth – I don't think anyone sees how detrimental it is here for me or for anyone else who has also expressed their concerns with when it comes to bugs and these types of things, all that I've been doing is grinning and bearing it and it's sad to think anyone should have to grin and bear this shit for a second! NOT ONE! But, I simply am inside of my mind feeling as dead as anyone would feel without being able to not only as a person that matters as much as other people as you otherwise should – or not being able to feel as though you aren't experiencing these things when feelings still come. You're doing all you can to get rid of the feelings and seeing bugs and even have for a little short while, but that was getting away from your own place that did it, and still wasn't doing all that I wanted it to. Because, I didn't want to feel one. I still felt something here and there and wasn't sure if it was real or not at times, until I seen them again. That was taking yourself and all your clothes out of the situation to prove that these are the things that needed to be done, and while we've been cleaning and still feeling these things – it's enough to tell me that these bugs are coming in from the outside mice coming in and living inside the woodwork for warmth. The fact though is that I fear these bugs they come with are also just clinging onto my mom and I. I'm just being told to not carry on with these concerns because it's harming other people from feeling free from me and feeling free from my concerns. Not to mention that it having to deal with lice – no one wants to really deal with that sort of thing, but when I'm being simply told as though I don't even matter, and that my concerns don't matter if I'm not willing to do the things that I need to do in order to find out if what I'm feeling is true. I'm sorry, but when I did do those things people need approval from a doctor to tell them they are feeling some parasite on their skin. People aren't supposed to have that kind of clarity for themselves, so they have to have a doctor tell your other city officials what is going on, and while none of them are going to express or share your concern, how is a person supposed to feel as though they are ever considered when I feel as though people say what they are actually feeling themselves... So, when my mom is telling me that she doesn't think that I want her to be happy when I do – it hurts me to no end. When I try flipping that around and to make sense? Does my mom really not want me to be happy? Am I being run out of my own home and skin faster then I'm already able to be talking about these concerns without fear that I have to be run out of my own concerns in life? Then she tells me that I'm not going to put up with this kind of abuse and be yelled at about these things, when I'm not even yelling – I'm cringing inside bringing up concerns that no one cares anything about, and I'm hurt inside in the fact that all I feel I do is care, and there are a lot of things I feel I'm not being recognized for – it's like I could be just working all week trying hard to just do what I've got to do and, as you can imagine, I'm just drained of energy and emotionally sick at heart. I'm fading in and out of consciousness it feels all because I'm seriously that tired that half the days I feel I could fall over. Sometimes, I feel as though my heart is going to pop – and in my last bath, I was wondering how that fucking thing beating in my chest can hurt this bad and still be beating!? I think to myself that stress kills and I choose to breathe deep because I want to live, and I want to live a good life – but all these things are making me feel as though I'm already dead, and as if – if I ended up killing myself that no one would really care even though I know people would it still makes you feel that way. I just feel so utterly destroyed and hurt by these pains. I care a lot about people and a lot right now about the things that are happening here, and all I feel is detrimental to me in my mind and my heart. I'm not paranoid, but I am scared as though I feel anyone would feel. I feel so hurt by my family in ways they don't see – and it's like if I was to even tell them these things that it still wouldn't matter – so I choose to write hoping that people can see my work into these issues and see the real me inside of the mess – that I care and care a lot, but I fear they wouldn't ever read from me even before they die, so as you could tell – I have a lot going on that would concern anyone dealing with trying to walk a mile in my shoes. So, I write hoping that I can save someones life from ever feeling like I've felt. If you feel like you want to run – you might just be better off running. I cared to much to run, and it got me in trouble. And, if you feel as though you're being hurt, and badly so – by the same people that you thought cared about you; you've got to realize that your family might care about you to a point but no one is going to share your concerns with you that they themselves don't believe of you. And, as far as your own mother is concerned, she'll share her concerns when the time is right for her – but up until then she's willing to have you help her or have you be there to pay rent, or have you around to help her with Personal Care Attendant work, even though you're not being paid, and she wants to tell me that it's my fault if I can't pay my rent? It is my fault? It's my fault that these people don't pay people on time, or pay people right or sometimes just not pay them at all and when you're asking for your checks and asking them if they got your time sheets, they're just going to tell you that they're breaking up on you and we're going to have to call you back and never end up calling you back. It's just a run-around with business, with life, with family and with the places that we live – and we agree that legal action should be taken while in the same breath – she's fearing about retaliation and she fears not winning the case so much I fear we won't get it to that level, and she basically tells me that I'm on my own, and that it doesn't matter to her when she's fighting to just breathe. All my family was doing at this point was leaving me in my detriment, and it wasn't until I ended up in jail that people got involved. As a young kid I was there before, wondering why my other two brothers got to find out what they were allergic to, but I didn't. We just don't have the money to see what you're allergic to as well I was told. Mind you I had been feeling similar things as a kid and I was just left to my detriment. I would wake up feeling as though sharp pains would run through my body, almost like pins and needles at all angles through my body only these pricking feelings were feeling as though they were running right on through you. You were in pain, and you were standing on your feet and you just remember feeling as though no one cared. Your whole family was sleeping and all I remember is my brothers telling me to just go to bed, and that my leg probably just fell asleep. Stop being a baby Chase! But, I was detrimental. I was looming out with that blank stare on my face and I was bleak in my concerns. I think back now, and think I was highly allergic to something or I was feeling something that someone placed on me. But, no one credibly cared at that time either. I was scared, kind of like I am scared today. I was the brother always left to help where they couldn't help – so as you should know I've helped my mom the most in the aspect that I've been here all along, and I've been fighting with her here, so I can fight for her and not get into little arguments with her. I just have to know in my mind that she's been targeted for a long time now and that she's basically bought up by the systems of our worlds care – even if they were running with the Devil, she would trust these outlets over trusting her own son about issues I fear are very inclusive and very educated, and it's as if I'm not even supposed to care with how I feel I've read a whole lot more and studied endlessly about these things that I'm not supposed to care that no one else is willing to share with me in my concerns. With all that I've been studying and coming to find how closely all this ties with how the Bible says the end of days is going to be like. I guess, it all just makes sense to me somehow but, I don't want it to make sense in the fashion where I never get anything on this planet, and everything else makes me see my whole life flash before my very own eyes, and makes me feel that I'm never going to be anything more then this world wanted for me to be, and I fear there are people in our world who want more then nothing for anyone of you. I want more for them then this world could ever want bad for me or wish bad upon me – I wanted better! I wanted it so bad you could taste the chalk in the back of your throat just thirsty! I wanted that life, just so that I could give that life to someone else, and to a whole lot of people if possible a life that otherwise couldn't become tarnished by the worlds people in such a way that it is able to today. I just didn't want to feel so broken down and barren in my attempt to get the things that I was set out for. The passion inside of me might have dimmed, but at times I could swear it just built me stronger. But, in all honesty sometimes I just want to be weak again. I know in my heart that I would have been far better off had I been able to be treated just like some of you were – but, the fact is that I wasn't being treated that way, and that no one had the kind of faith in me where they could have believed in me, and no one put faith in me where I fear they could have and should have, because it concerns them too. Everyone just lost faith in me somewhere along the way and in that losing faith in me, I lost even more of myself then ever before. I lost even more drive that I thought I had. I lost what felt was real to me. Family. Friends. Some half-knit community of people that “cared.”
All of this webbing happened in a few short days... it's way too much to constantly live in... deal with, or act as though you have a life outside of cleaning unnaturally.
Even family doesn't know how important they are to me. And, where my family was concerned it as as if I was just being shoved out of the ability to be anything more then what kind of faith was thrown my way. But, If I had that faith from others – I would have done a whole lot more for myself in regards to helping other people, help me, help you, help them and help our world. And, had I never felt a loss of that faith, I wouldn't have lost so much of myself to begin with where people could get to see the real me. The real Chase, I say with such clarity in the fact that I'm not able to be myself. I'm not able to be treated the way that I would be treated had I been treated right by these people who did me wrong. It's as if I'm being made into being an abusive person when truth was, I'm not an abusive person at all. These abuses that are happening to me are causing me to snap mentally. As which I've studied was its design to do. I was charismatic and cared a whole lot, and I was an extrovert so I wanted things done, but even the things I've done people can't see – because people can't see who I'd be had I been paid right gotten to my next goals and never sabotaged in those plans. I wanted you to give me a chance to be something more, and to see something more come of me. I don't think people care to place any more faith in me then they've been throwing around – and as far as that's concerned – I'm frustrated because I'm not an abusive person but, I'm being abused and by who I feel is from my system, and the people who are supposed to protect me, are the people who are hurting me and hurting me badly. I'm not trying to really get angry with my mom but as we all know sometimes moms can pull the anger right out of you. Wittingly or not, all she does is talk to herself and talk to herself and when you're not listening then you don't care about anything that she has to say anymore because you aren't being listened to, and when you are listening and doing things, it doesn't matter what you do, because she'll take away everything that you've ever done for the one time you didn't do something right. And, it's things like me freaking out over the facts of not getting paid, and not having a habitable living condition and having to fight her here on the facts instead of fighting with her on the facts that we've come together about – she's inflicting upon me not only that I fight these things alone, but that I have been getting into conflict with her as well about both of our behaviors towards one another and I know that we both love each other, we're just stressed out to the max. I just think it's silly – she talks about how she's so unable to live her life here – and she says these things when I haven't slept and haven't had anything to really eat all day, and it's all in ways to get me to react and just go away. So a lot of times, I blow up because I'm mad and I wanted these things to have an end. I'm tired of paying rent here for this place for it being completely unlivable conditions, and so I'm saying we either do things the right way and start an escrow account and at least try to do something about these issues or I'm done paying rent. I'm not living here anyways, why should I keep having to pay rent, and especially when I'm not being paid right by the job and the work hours that I've put in, knowing how hard it is to take care of a parent – the business where I work thrive on making sure that people like my mom and I are hurting and not getting help. How am I supposed to deal with all of this when I've got nowhere to go unless I'm going homeless it seems – in which case is completely fraudulent to me, because I know with the hours that I've worked – the goals that I had set I was meeting up until my job decided not pay me and the sabotage of financial ruin started to happen, I had to deal with things that would have ended up killing my mom if she was alone, but – then again – I'm abusive and I don't care whether or not my mom is happy or not. Can anyone else see how I do care, and how I'm being stopped from caring about people so much? I guess with a heart like mine, good luck using it in your world. It took away from the fact that I did care and I always cared a lot. I guess it took away the fact that I can't continue to carry on with this weight no one seems to help to lift off of me. I want one of them to tell me about how detrimental they are, so I can tell them to stop talking about it and just go to work. Why are you telling me these things when It's not like you ever cared when I was in the thick of it all? Where were you when I needed help? Where were you when I was feeling like that? Oh yeah, I recall people telling me to stop talking about it and to just do something else already. But, if you look at these pictures you can clearly see why I might not be able to sleep, and for months on end. Hell! The whole year for the matter.
I'm in crisis with my own self, that I can't handle dealing with that issue on top of what I've got going on. And, while we're bagging up our clothes and she's felt buggy too, and all I’ve done is help her here, and I'm not able to get help. I'm just told to find the resources to do the things that I need to do for myself, and to find that job that I need to find to move myself forward from here – but, we need to separate she says and I have yet to live here. Here is a day in the life of Woodlawn Terrace Apartments from hell where you won't get to live, or do most things you enjoy. Just clean and clean and you aren't done cleaning.
Until the other day I was placed in jail because of some things that happened I don't care to talk about here. But, the way I see it, is it was all from the things that I've been screaming out for help about and getting nowhere. I have to leave, but I have yet to live somehow. I have to go away all the time even though I'm paying rent and paying for things here and I'm always being run out of my own home. And once again, I'm detrimental inside with how I've got no way to get around, and how I've been dealing with feeling lice and other unknown bugs for far too long with no one helping me in the fact that I can't go on this way.
I told my mom at the time that we had mice that I was feeling lice really bad, and that I was unable to sleep because of it, and by this time I was already feeling as though I was going to end up dying in it because it's truly the most detriment I've ever been in. I said that these things are getting all over my skin, and all over me and that I couldn't sleep and they were traveling onto my bedding and into my clothes. I was also waiting to get pay from another job I took up shoveling snow, and I was puking here and there around corners to try hide how sick I was while I was trying to compensate for loss of income over the holidays, and while I was feeling these things and this lousy - I was asking for some lice shampoo or lice killer as I didn't have any money, or I'd buy some. And, with this happening, she tells me that I don't have the money, and at that point I waited a whole week for these things to infest themselves into my skin, into my bed and things and into my home life. While I don't blame her for the issue in the first place it's as if everything is my fault and that I'm just supposed to be able to put it beside me. Nothing could be further from the truth. But, when I'm sitting here helping by killing all the mice, running around for your care and being your Personal Care Attendant, and still not getting paid – and then taking up another job working outside in the cold – I felt sick as all get out, and I didn't want to move every single day I woke up but I woke up from what felt like mere minutes of sleep and all to go in and get treated like a tool by the people I was working with at the time. I was freezing in the cold, 30 minutes already beyond where I thought I could frost bit – calling the guy in the truck to come pick me up - and was a good half-hour to an hour longer before I was ever picked up. It was a real shitty thing to do to someone – a real shitty thing to do to someone all because this guy wanted the truck to himself. This whole inner working of a world can keep their ill gotten money and ill gotten work, because these people don't know how to be real men. Just play on others abilities and work on sabotage the good in mankind – but don't ever be a real man, with a genuine heart. For fuck sake – it was breaking me apart inside. Life was breaking me at every angle I went to and I felt as though more and more was being created already waiting for me around the corner where these people would know I'd be asking for help. But, not so they could actually help me, but so they could throw a contingency of care at me while not caring at all. I could be just trying to get what's owed to me from other people and just small change for some smokes and no one considered me where I was at. No one ever thinks about these things at all so know one really knows either. They can see you're barely holding your head up in your hands trying to carry yourself around like something just took away your pride and joy. As if something was dead inside of me – and so there was.
I was taken from my own home just before ever getting an inspection done. The inspection that needed to be done before moving people into their homes. With the kinds of concerns that I've had with living here – it's enough for me to know, without a carpenters certificate that these environments were causing people to live a most unnatural way of life. So, I didn't care what I was to say or where I was to say them, and I wanted to use the bricks that these people are willing to throw at me to create something better, and more beautiful then ever. I wanted to help people immensely who felt as I did – who had no resources or felt as though their resources in life were taken away. I wanted to reinstall those feelings of joy and love back into a world that was feeling without those natural feelings that we as people used to harness to enjoy. Today, I feel people are so barren on broke that they are willing to hurt people using whatever avenue they can to do the job, and they do those jobs and get paid for them – all while hurting people in their natural ability to think clearly and define these economics for themselves. It's not hard to do! All I think a people need to be is willing to talk, willing to read and willing to listen to others even where they feel their stories are far fetched. There is a lot from one another we have yet to learn. There is a lot more that we as people have left to live where we aren't even so much as allowed to think that we can live that way.
I was taking pictures like this...
I also took pictures like this for twenty minutes...
Until I actually caught something on my knee... here it is...
Here it is enlarged...
What the hell is that thing? Oh you guys, I am and was so scared! I'm [petrified!]
I was left in a cell, feeling buggy – asking for help, and trying to get someone in there to care. I was left without my phone numbers so I couldn't even use my three, five minute calls to call someone outside of the jail cell. I was asking for my phone so I could get phone numbers out of it – but, I was no concern to these people.
I fear that no one is concerned with, even where I believe no all these people are true criminals. What's more criminal to you – leaving people in these kinds of conditions while not getting them any kind of help or the people themselves being left in detriment asking their world for help and not getting any. Which is more fraudulent to a people? You decide. The people that fucked up, looking for help and probably some of which being treated as I was, or the people on the other side who could help – but choose not to?
I took a cold shower, I was freezing in the cell and only given a blanket. I said that I shave my body and that I feel I'm freezing from the inside out now – which was just the opposite of the place I was living, feeling as though I was being microwaved by the technologies microwaves that help cellphones and other things transmit data through the air. I've read these things are cooking people, as a slow cook without people ever realizing it for the most part – so no one gets mad about it. But, nevertheless I was freezing and asking for a blanket and was told that unless I was coming off of opiates that they couldn't help me. Like, really? You can't help a person that doesn't do drugs, but if I had – then I could get a blanket? How crazy is that? If this is the kind of places that people go to and are supposed to be getting some kind of corrections for their crimes – they aren't getting corrections made – but getting more errors and more torment thrown their way. I'm scared of my world-view, and I'm scared of my worlds character that tells me that they care, and acts a whole different way where you are behind closed doors. I fear with the most scrutiny that our whole world is going to shit right now, and I just want to pause the pain for a second – and can't. It's enough to drive anyone into a state of uncomfortable fear, and detrimental pains in their chests. These aren't depressions – these aren't anxieties or anything within you that are making these pains – but these pains are coming from external sources where instead of helping people to not feel these things – they are placing people back into the thick of the pain, and back into places where people are said to snap. I just want to stop people from snapping, I want to stop people from feeling the pain, and I want to stop the world abuses from continuing to get away with the things that they are doing.
I just hope that I can get more people on my side. I'm furious about these issues, and I'm passionate and I am willing to work with anyone on something beautiful throughout our world. I'm just not willing to work on something that isn't as beautiful as making a world be as I thought it should have been from when I was a kid til now. I thought this world was so much more beautiful then it is – and all because people's spirits are sorely broken by being lied to – I don't think people know what to believe. Anyone that wants to write with me or work with me on a project, just get my attention – and we will. I don't care what it is – just that we get to work together on it is enough. Together I believe we can change this world. We still have a fighting chance to stop these abuses before they continue to spiral out of control. And, sometimes I fear they already are out of control, but please don't stop fighting because you fear we don't have a fighting chance. I know we do, even if we are against all odds and it's just feeling like us against the world, we can still create pathways and avenues of success. Light up someones life in whatever way you know how – and I'm sure you will see what more you could do. Right from where you sit right now reading this – you have abilities to change the world. So, why not work on it? Help someone write more, or read more, or do more. You're helping a world-view that has been tarnished and you're lifting it up to think again. Do those things no matter what they are because as sure as I am a man, I'm sure you can do more – become more – dream more – and do more – that no one can stop you from feeling the freedoms and joys from. If you have issues, get those things out on the chopping block so that people can see if they want to where you're coming from, and just why you are the way you are. I know that through time we will really start to see something more beautiful of our world come to view, if all we are willing to do is try. You're going to inspire other people to become just as great, and you will help people become greater yet. As people lost all side of their hearts, when they lost site of their truest love. Where your heart is – there will be your treasure as well. So place your hearts back on the grinding stone and lets get these things solid.
HERE IS THE EXAMINATION OF BODY LICE:
Body lice, also known as clothing louse is a blood sucking little parasite of a louse that can live between your skin and your clothes. This host specific ecto-parasite of humans is thought to have evolved from head lice but migrated to the body in association with wearing clothes. Body lice are tiny flattened little insects with a slightly elongated lobed abdomen, a distinct head. They have tiny eyes; a pair of short antennae and six legs, each curling into a strong claw at the end and come with an unbelievable amount of detriment to you when you are being hurt by the place you live in and other facets of life. Each of these stout clawed little buggers has a small thumb-like spine for grasping onto your hairs or anything else that it can cling to like a guys scrotum or a woman's vagina, enabling the louse to move quickly around the clothes using the fabric fibers or body hair for support. Adult lice are 2-4mm in length, gray in color, but darken after fattening them up with your blood. The mouth parts are tube-like, armed with minute teeth and sharp stylets for piercing into your skin, and when not in use, are telescoped within its head. Adult lice and the three immature stages live their entire life within the clothing of humans. Lice may only leave the clothes briefly or hold onto the fibers of clothes or body hair while fattening these little guys up with your blood. The lice like to feed on your blood, at any time, day or night, but usually when you are at rest. These parasites prefer to feed where the skin is soft and folded and the clothing fabric is in close contact with the body.
Female body lice will lay their eggs (or nits) along the seams or hems of clothes and especially like your underwear that are adjacent to the surface of your skin. Each egg is firmly glued to fibers of your clothes, but occasionally your body hair may also be used. A mature female louse will lay two to three-hundred eggs within their life spans of a month apart, laying between 6-9 eggs per day. The eggs are white and oval in shape and rounded at the top. Eggs hatch within 5-10 days, but if the clothing is removed each night from the warmth of the body, development time is increased and the eggs may take up to 2 weeks before hatching. Louse eggs can always hatch for up to 14 days. Body lice are extremely sensitive to temperature changes, humidity and have been known to abandon a dead person or people with elevated temperatures. Without a constant source of blood, the lice perish within 2-5 days but with so many of them festering – you can imagine how hard it can become to get rid of these tiny parasites. In hot weather, when several layers of infested clothing are worn, the lice may move to an outer layer where the temperature is cooler or an inner where they are warmer. Lice are very rarely seen crawling on the outside of infested clothes but if the infestation is bad enough I wouldn't put it passed these little guys from getting more out of control, if they are visible it is an indication the individual is heavily infested as normally these tiny parasites are hard to spot and can even be harder to see as they are fast. Normally, body lice are sensitive to light and if disturbed will quickly move to a seam or crease for cover so when trying to take pictures of these guys you're going to have a hard time getting a picture with a flash.
Transferring of body lice occurs when living conditions are crowded and unkempt, personal hygiene gets neglected or your clothes are not changed in timely fashions and facilities for laundering clothes are not easy to access or to make certain that you can clean all clothes at the same time as you are able to clean your body and make sure there is no live lice on your body – and then, dry the clothes extra well to get as much as you can out of your clothes as you can. Lice can spread rapidly with homeless people or victims of war and natural disasters, or when people sleep in their clothes and huddle together for warmth. Bedding and furniture have also been implicated as a source of infestation in overcrowded environments and can cause for transferring these little guys. You can spread these parasites through sitting on the toilet, and someone else coming in to use that bathroom.
Initially in the physicians consultation, bites from body lice are seen as small minute red dots that develop into papular lesions with wheal-like inflammation. The toxic effects from repeated injections of saliva may produce symptoms including headache, lassitude, loss of appetite, joint pain, elevated temperatures, irritability, and a rashes which are similar looking to German measles. Severe itching is another symptom that infected individuals will suffer, which may indicate the development of an allergy; while inhabiting of their feces or parts of cast skins from body lice may also trigger symptoms which resemble hay fever. Secondary infections are common and result from the continuous scratching of repeated inoculations of louse saliva. A prolonged infestation of body lice can result in thickening and pigmentation of the skin and is often referred to as "vagabond's disease.” Body lice are not responsible for the spread of any infectious disease-causing organisms within Australia, and are considered uncommon in this America, but it has happened.
Identification of louse specimens is by light microscopy. Detail from the patient on exactly what part of the body the specimens were collected is important in establishing the identity of the louse. Head lice are taxinomically very difficult to differentiate from body lice. Body lice are rarely found on the head of an infected person and, when not on the body, tend to stay hidden within layers of your clothes. Pubic lice are usually found attached to the hair in the pubic areas of the body, but are taxonomically very different to the body and head louse, and are hard to miss. You're going to feel these guys if you have them. They're going to make themselves be known. Body lice affects everyone from all races. Weekly washes are necessary to keep lice away. And, if you're living in uninhabitable living conditions – mice and other rodents can cause you to have a horrible break out of lice – and potentially spread life threatening disease. Treating body lice is relatively easy to control by implementing a few simple steps. Regular changing and laundering of clothes (especially underwear), or disposal of affected clothing is always best to control lice. Using a hot water wash on clothes, followed by ironing will ensure all lice and nits have been killed. An increased level of personal hygiene with regular bathing or showering is essential for controlling these little crabs. Dry cleaning or tumble drying affected items at 140 degree's Fahrenheit for at minimum of 15 minutes is another method of effectively killing lice and eggs. For heavier infestations, you may want to dry clean everything or throw things out. You may even need someone helping you while you are showering to put your clothes into the dryer and to help keep these things off of you. If laundering facilities are not available dusting clothes with an insecticidal powder or fumigant are options that could be considered to aid in the control of lice; as a last resort, store of all clothes in a plastic bags should see all lice and eggs dead after a month.
SOURCES:
http://www.livingwithbugs.com/body_lice.html
http://medent.usyd.edu.au/fact/bodylice.html
http://www.headlice.org/faq/bodylice.htm
http://www.medic8.com/infectious-diseases/body-lice.htm
http://www1.nyc.gov/site/doh/health/health-topics/body-lice.page
Although body lice and other bugs are well known trades through war, before both world wars people were feeling itchy and scratchy and this is why it is imperative to me that people know about what they are feeling - what they could be feeling, and to pay attention to the signs as we move forward. These things can become life threatening.
http://www.firstworldwar.com/atoz/bodylice.htm
Here is another source you might want to check out as well:
http://www.ehow.com/about_5037850_difference-between-scabies-body-lice.html