Last year was quite a year for me, I met many faces, visited different places and learned a lot about people, places, culture, and food. It was one of the most daring of all the years for me, I haven’t taken many risks like I did last year and that paid off well. Among those was my relationships with new friends, this was after moving to a more highbrow neighborhood where you can meet different type of people from different backgrounds.
I got to know a particular girl whom we later became friends because we share mostly some things in common and our “No BS” approach to life kinda made it a very appealing friendship. Things got going well, and she showed me quite some beautiful places in the neighborhood, different foods, and whatnot.
A few months went by we were cool until the first month of this year. Her rent was expiring, and she needed to move to a better place, but the hiccup was that apartments for just one person weren’t available and stayed at her old places will involve issues with the landlord and whoever dares to call her bulls**t. Had to let her stay with me for ten days while the stress of looking for a one person apartment took a toll on her but comfortable enough to go to work from my place.
A week late she got her place and that was a relief for the both of us…weeks went by and it was like that perfect friendship from your favorite Disney Movie. All things good like we had no differences at all. Weeks went by, and my friend could easily help when I need help with any regarding me being new in the neighborhood and just like me who happens to be there for everyone, never disappointed her how lucky!
We went to parties together, clubs, long drives and even to the beach, she speaks the local language and could quickly get a good bargain for an item for me when need be.
THE CHANGES
Weeks went by, and I started noticing changes, you can say withdrawal and one-sided friendship. Note, I always put my soul in the game for friends, so I expected anyone willing to be my friend to make that sacrifice even if its 50 % of what I put in…I was wrong.
As the days went by, my friend stopped calling, the only time we talked on the phone was when I called, and it looked like everything was okay, at least to her. Several times I brought the issue, but things didn’t turn out like the beginning (oh! I must have missed the sweet starts). I stopped being that person I used to be and sometimes days went by and we won’t even talk at all…or maybe a few messages.
It started feeling like an entitlement which is often not the real me, and everyone isn’t the same. Indeed everyone isn’t the same.
One day we got talking, and she asked me am I a burden to you?
I said, "no, why?”
She said well she felt like that because I do more for her than she will ever do for me and sometimes make her think. I said that’s okay and we all can’t be the same.
Later she told me no one had been that kind to her in her life except her mom and she has always been the one looking out for people.
All this time, I have known what it’s like to have someone be there for you when you call and when you call, but no one is there to answer.
Life sometimes sucks right? Well yeah…some little things aren’t just little because you won’t be able to afford them no matter the FU money you have.
I always believe in the bigger picture, friendship is all about the growth of both involved and if there is no growth, then no friends at all.
However, some friendship takes time to grow, and some growth takes time to be visible to the naked eye.
THE DIGGING.
Later I did a little digging About her family and realized she seems to be alone with her mom despite having four siblings who are older than her. Found out she is the only one trustworthy to their mom. Everyone else was either milking the mom in some way, or they don’t just care! What a load! Life can be cruel, and I guess no one it out. So to say, she barely can boast of any supporters in her life, not even from her family. I understand being a woman and trailing the world alone can get sometimes tiring ( although not just for women, we all need our oasis).
People got broken over time a little kindness might even have them scared, some have everything necessary to say they have it all but this is not usually the case. Some families of 3 live happier than families of 6, and it can happen the other way round as well. It makes me happy seeing others happy.
AND MOM GOT SICK!
A few days back and the mom got sick, so critical she was taken to the ER and spent hours there…now it felt like the world is on top of her, meanwhile leaving her business to take care of the mother when she has other four siblings who live very close to the mother but don’t give an F.
I was the first person she called, and her cry didn’t let me wait for her to explain any further. This is someone who hasn’t cried or show a crying side since we got talking. It was painful, and at that moment I realized some people need us more than we will ever need them! This is not a bad thing either, it’s how the world works, and not everything can be equal.
She got packed and left to see the mom, we got talking and trying to establish how she got into that position. The doctor said something about kidney and being hypertensive plus blood sugar level She couldn't speak or do anything.
I had to leave her for a few hours and what she sent struck me, her message was “ Why are you not talking to me?”. At first, I was lost thinking of what to reply; I realized what she’s going to through must have been too much. Imagine if I had called our friendship to quit?
MY LESSONS
People are different, and it can take much time to get to know someone genuinely and connect with them on a deeper level.
We all have issues, and some don’t just know how to start sharing theirs or with whom to share.
It takes more than a year to know someone really and start judging them.
No friendship will ever be equal, and that is the fact. Someone will have to give more than the other.
If you are giving more, realize you were born this way or this how it’s meant to be.
If you are taking more, always appreciate.
People have deeper issues that they are afraid to acknowledge, let alone relate.
I am wondering what would have been of her if I had just abandoned her…Maybe it would have been fine, perhaps not.
I am glad I am there when she can call. These things aren't easy.