The definition of Connection Science according to Webster is, “the act of connecting: the state of being connected.” When you dive in even further into the definition you find, “a person connected with another especially by marriage, kinship, or common interest; has powerful connections”.
I wanted to explore how this powerful connection begins, unifies, and then how it can affect each person involved once it is severed, using music. I have broken this mixtape down into three sections with a song number sequence of 3:3:4.
(Currently, there is not an option to "open in new tab", so copy and paste my mixtape link it into a new window to play while you read. Pause and listen to the entire song before you go on to the next section.)
Here is my Connection Science Mixtape on youtube
(Working on a D.tube alternative now.) PLAY NOW.
ENJOY!
Serendipitous Encounter, Like Magnets
The first section encompasses the meeting of the two separate people. In my example, the people meeting are drawn to one another in a serendipitous encounter. Like a magnet, they feel the pull towards each other.
At first, (“Osaka Loop Line” by Discovery) they are just curious, as they go about their daily routine. Here are some of the lyrics, “And I tried to catch your eye and then, Walk past you as the train came in, But I missed you there and lost my mind, The morning crowd pushed me behind”.
By the second song (“All” by Blackbird Blackbird), they are starting to test the boundaries on which one another is willing to give up their time for each other. Here is a line from the lyrics, “Asking for it all I'm just asking for some of it”.
By the third track (“Feels” by Giraffage), they both are starting to mutually feel the how great it feels when they are together. As you can feel and hear in these lines, “With you, with you / With you / Grow old with you”.
At this point, the mutual awareness of how wonderful it feels to just be around one another is growing. The connection goes deeper. They move on to spending more time together, creating memories, sharing secrets, thoughts, and moments only they share. The creating "inside jokes" phase of a friendship.
This is the transition into a more intimate relationship.
Forming Chemical and Physical Bonds
The second section expresses the many moments of bonding between two using vibrations instead of words. Towards the end of this honeymoon period, the two decide this is love and they are everything to one another, as expressed in Track 6, “Evening Ceremony” by Active Child.
Here the two people experience the release of the chemicals Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin.
“Raining Patterns” by CFCF is a musical expression of many moments they are sharing with one another. Dopamine is heavily being released at this point while they go places together, create memories, and experience things with one another that only they remember. This is the first step towards a deeper connection with one another.
“The Meaning of Love” by Chrome Sparks is an even deeper level of the union. This is mixing Dopamine and Serotonin. This is where the physical and chemical bond become one. This stage can either be Love or Lust. Whether it is Love or Lust is up to the two connecting. Their intentions, inner feelings, and secret thoughts control how they will respond to these bonds.
In the “Evening Ceremony” by Active Child, the ultimate kinship has been achieved. Amongst the midst of the physical bonds, the chemicals Dopamine, Serotonin, are joined by a new chemical, Oxytocin. This is the attachment chemical. Only if both parties are open to this deeper bond will this relationship achievement be unlocked.
Discover some of the inner thoughts in this stage of connection in the following lyrics, “Would you love me? Even if I wanted to fall for you, Would you fall for me? Even if I never meant to hurt you, Would you hurt me? Even if I wanted to pray for you? Hold me, hold me close, Never let go”
This moment creates a “You and me” against the world scenario. The more successful private moments like this allows the deepest level of bond, like marriage, to root. Defenses lower just enough to share (for some) embarrassing thoughts and moments, hidden fears, hopes, and dreams.
Getting this close to someone is magical. Most will claim it a blessing to their lives. Forever changed by this bond with someone, rooted in a deep love for one another. A love that tends to put the other first. When perfectly balanced, they do the same, so the circle is complete.
When a bond this powerful is completely severed, neural changes and physical pain can change you into a different person.
The Break-Up Reaction Mechanism
The final section explores the different reactions to the break of a Love Connection. Actual damage or changes take place in the body and brain, according to a Scientific American article titled, “How Does the Brain React to a Romantic Breakup?”. Using MRI scans, the study found neural changes in the brain after a breakup. Everything from addiction, grief, depression, obsession, and more was observed.
Things like physical pain and literal heartache were also observed.
In the 9th Track, “WHAT YOU KNOW” by TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB, one person could have decided to find fault in the other person and feels breaking up will open greater potential mates or freedom for them. In the lyrics, “I am leaving, This is starting to feel like, It's right before my eyes, And I can taste it, It's my sweet beginning, And I can tell just what you want, You don't want to be alone. And I can't say it's what you know, But you've known it the whole time. Yeah, you've known it the whole time”.
Whether this is an act out of fear or use of projection on the other half, the music video displays qualities of engaging in rebound relationships. Either way, I felt it was a great example of someone that had a sudden change of heart in a relationship and yet blames the breakup on the other half. (Musicians and actors, anyone?)
The next track, “The Bad Side Of Love” by PEGASE expresses the feeling of grief and depression. These feelings are mixed with a longing sense of heartache, physical pain, and betrayal. As you can hear in the lyrics, “The bad side of love, I wish I didn't care.” I feel like at this stage you are too upset and distraught to say much else between trying to distract yourself with friends (you may have neglected since the relationship started), in between sobbing the pain away.
These feels go to 11 in the 11th track, “Full Circle” by Half Moon Run. This is when the heartache, depression, and obsession turn into an addiction. The beginning of this song describes a man shooting up in a church to feel some relief. As you continue with the song you discover the heartache reaching someone else who is also self-medicating to pretend they are stable.
Read on, “You appear even tempered though your looks will deceive. And the sparks are always flying cause you drink for relief. With the heart of a child and the wit of a fool. It’s a wonder why I don’t try to build a wall around you. When I watch as your head turns full circle.” I feel like this is a great example of how a severed bond can destroy those involved.
The final song on this mixtape journey is “Easy” by Son Lux. Here are the lyrics, “Pull out your heart to make the Being alone Easy, easy / Oh, easy, easy / Burn all your things to make the fight to forget / Easy, oh, easy.” This exhibits some resentment and the challenge to let go. While you want to, it is just too hard at the moment. These strong feelings make for great books, poetry, songs, and films.
By writing and talking about it, it will get easier. I promise.
Resources:
http://neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain-series/love-and-brain
https://examinedexistence.com/why-we-fall-in-love-the-science-of-love/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-does-the-brain-react-to-a-romantic-breakup/
https://www.technologyreview.com/s/416686/a-new-way-to-break-ultra-strong-chemical-bonds/