When we talk about happiness, we think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity.We try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as our goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from us. Although the pursuit of happiness has been a topic of discussion since the Declaration of Independence, the suggestion that everyone should feel happy all the time seems to be emerging as a new phenomenon in pop-culture. But, research shows that chasing happiness may actually make you feel worse.
A joint study conducted between Stanford, Harvard, and University of Houston researchers concluded that:
"People’s values determine not only what they want to achieve but also the standards against which they evaluate their achievements. The person who highly values academic achievement and wants to achieve high grades is bound to be disappointed at times when he falls short of his high standards... However, in the case of happiness, this feature of goal pursuit may lead to paradoxical effects, because the outcome of one’s evaluation (i.e., disappointment and discontent) is incompatible with one’s goal (i.e., happiness).
Common Mistakes on the Road to Happiness
1. Trying to figure out if you're happy.
When we pursue happiness, our goal is to experience more joy and contentment. To find out if we’re making progress, we need to compare our past happiness to our current happiness. This creates a problem: The moment we make that comparison, we shift from an experiencing mode to an evaluating mode.Think of being engrossed in the favourite game you play or the book that you love to read or any other activity that you dissolve yourself completely in it. when people are in a flow state, they don’t report being happy, as they’re too busy concentrating on the activity or conversation. But afterward, looking back, they describe flow as the optimal emotional experience.
2. Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness.
Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives (including ourselves). So it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.
3. You ignore other people and become more lonely.
Can pursuit of happiness make you lonely? Yes, says one research study that found that the more people value happiness, the lonelier they felt on a daily basis. Furthermore, when people were manipulated to value happiness (by reading the same note as above), they reported feeling more lonely than another group. This shows that it is the valuing of happiness that leads to loneliness and not the other way around. So while being happy can be good for building social connections, wanting to be happy can actually have the opposite effect.
So the question aries what to do to be happy?
1. Fit in one more hour of sleep
While there is ongoing debate about eight being the optimum number of hours of sleep, a 2003 study by The University of Surrey's Sleep Research Centre
found that just one more hour of sleep can make people happier and healthier. Those tested with an hour less sleep at night,
had an increase in activity of those genes that are associated with processes such as inflammation,
immune response, diabetes and a risk of cancer. Meanwhile, the reverse happened when the group had an hour of extra sleep.
2.Make a small talk with stranger
Chatting up your barista or cashier? Good for your health!
Behavioral scientists gave a group of Chicago train commuters a $5 Starbucks gift card in exchange for striking up a conversation with a stranger during their ride. (While another group kept to themselves.)
Those who started conversations reported a more positive experience than those who had stayed quiet–even though they had predicted they would feel happier being solitary.
Another study saw similar results from giving Starbucks visitors a $5 gift card in exchange for having a “genuine interaction with the cashier.” It seems that connecting with another person–no matter how briefly–increases our happiness.
3. Don't Blame others.
We need to feel in control of our lives to be happy, which is why blaming is so incompatible with happiness. When you blame other people or circumstances for the bad things that happen to you, you've decided that you have no control over your life, which is terrible for your mood.
4. Volunteer Your Time.
When you give of yourself, either by time or talent, your focus shifts from your life to that of others, helping you realize that, just maybe, your own problems aren’t that bad. You invariably forge new relationships and experience an uplift in your spirit
5. Take Time to Meditate
Sitting down, lighting a candle and doing some deep breathing for ten minutes are all it takes to relax your mind and body. In doing so, you get in touch with your inner-self, and invariably, you’ll get to know yourself a little better. That’s definitely a booster on the happiness scale.
6. Help others – 100 hours a year is the magical number.
One of the most counterintuitive pieces of advice I found is that to make yourself feel happier, you should help others. In fact, 100 hours per year (or two hours per week) is the optimal time we should dedicate to helping others in order to enrich our lives. Shawn Achor says this about helping others:
when researchers interviewed more than 150 people about their recent purchases, they found that money spent on activities—such as concerts and group dinners out—brought far more pleasure than material purchases like shoes, televisions, or expensive watches. Spending money on other people, called “prosocial spending,” also boosts happiness.
Other small things that we can do
Say "thank you."
Even this small act of gratitude will boost your positivity.
Learn something new.
Whether it's reading a wiki about a topic that interests you or watching a quick Youtube tutorial, the digital world is full of ways to learn things fast and on the go. Yes, even happiness courses! :)
Be a good listener.
Seeking out meaningful conversation is proven to improve your sense of well-being.