ONE
Dear You,
It’s been two years and four months to be exact, since that day when we broke up. There were things I wanted to say and kept it unsaid because I’m afraid I’ll end up crying in front of you.
Thank you, is just a repeated phrase I’ve been telling you since the day we met. Thank you for giving me the chance to love you; for all those boring and simple dates we had; for introducing me into your family; for the respect, love, care, understanding and trust, and for the relationship we had.
Sorry , and I mean it after all this time. Sorry for those times when I disappointed you.
I hate you, really. For hurting me. For making me feel like I was a mistake for you; I hate you for being so rude to me.
But above all of this, I want to say thank you for letting me go. Because for a very long time, someone came into my life and loved me, and guess what? We are getting married soon.
I hope you’re doing great now. Keep moving! May all the desires of yours be granted.
Love, Me.
TWO
Hi. It’s been a while,
I know that you are happy wherever you are. You’re lucky that you still have someone writing letters for you! I have promised myself not to do this but I realized that we never stop loving people. So I guess letting you know seldom how I feel won’t hurt.
Many things have changed since we parted ways. Months after we cut our connection, my grandmother died and I have no shoulders to lean on. I feel abandoned. So from then, I am not echoing my ache to people anymore. I found some of them unreliable. There are little things that I’ve been hiding to myself. And as I conceal them, they are outgrowing me already. And I have to check myself everyday if these flaws slip from my clothes. I am always comfy when wearing shorts but I stopped using them for I got a big scar from a burn at the back of my right leg. I know that you are the only who would get past looking at it without giving a look of disgust.
But I doubted the beautiful things you told me when we got caught in a lie. So I think no one would accept me completely that way you did.
I sometimes think of your whispers in my ears. The way you say them would be different from every other whispers that I heard. It would be something new to my ears. Because recalling the moments we had is always refreshing. And maybe, this is the only way to redeem myself. To lift my self-esteem and tidy myself even for a short time by remembering that I was once a blank slate that only knew different colors of life when you came.
Three years have passed and I feel like everything was just coined in a blink of an eye. I sometimes let my hands wander around my body to pacify this longing heart. But they can’t give warmth to their own sanctuary. The radiance you gave them is haunting.
I probably need a closure to answer these things I’ve been asking myself for years. I still wish you all the happiness in the world for you desrve them.
And if God permits, I hope He’d conspire all the roads for our paths to meet. I will be happy seeing you but I don’t know if I’m ready. One thing is for sure though — I won’t break my promise. I would still accompany you when we meet. No goodbyes right?
See you somewhere unexpected.
"No longer yours"
To Be Continued
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