The Greatest Lesson in Brotherhood
These days, people often ask me how I get into heated arguments with family and friends, and five minutes later be calm again. They ask me how I don't hold any grudges or how do I let go of the negative emotions so quickly. They ask me how do I act like nothing is wrong when four minutes earlier, I was the angriest person in the room. They'll ask questions like, "Was it through meditation?" or "Did you learn some secret when you were a monk years ago?" The answer to those questions is simpler than what everyone thinks but is more complex in terms of fate, time and emotions.
I wasn't always this forgiving and forgetting. I had a really rough childhood and a very great one at the same time. The rough part was me putting my parents through unimaginable heartache (which I've made up for since) so at 13 years old, I was already living house to house with friends. The very great part of this time in my life was that I always had loving friends and their loving parents who let me live with their families. I was raised by twelve families in total and my parents always gave me unconditional love despite my self-destructive behavior as a teen. In truth, I was an irascible child and teen but at that time, ego wasn't a big problem yet. It was just the anger and it was mostly triggered when I lost at something.
Fate & Emotions
It was two weeks after the 1994 Northridge, CA earthquake and my 9th-grade class finally resumed from being closed. That year I was dating the hottest girl in school (we'll call her D for this post) named D. She was probably my first real girlfriend and I was head over heels in puppy love with her (like every 15 year old and their first). Somehow, I managed to heavily argue with her (anger issues) during the 2-week break and we had broken up. I was in a sad and embarrassed mood that made me feel like the entire school was talking about me.
I was on the basketball team with some of my best friends I have today, and we had a basketball game with one of our three rival schools close to season's end. Remember, we had been closed for about 2 weeks so this was a very important game for both, us and the other school. Close to the last class of the day, one of my classmates in my history class told me he saw one of my best friends Chad (who was on the team with me) drinking with some girls who brought some Boone's Farm wine to school. After class, I hurried to his locker to ask him why he was drinking on the day of a very important game.
As I was walking to Chad's locker, there were other students wishing me luck with the game and giving me high fives. I turned the corner close to Chad's locker and to my surprise, he was standing there flirting with D (who I just broke up with). As one can imagine a boy that age with anger issues, I quickly approached both of them and had some heated verbal exchanges with both. D stormed off as Chad and I stood there arguing with one another. In that heated exchange, I knew he wasn't getting on the bus to go to our game. At this point, we were both angrily yelling at each other. I started to walk away to board our bus, turned to Chad and said, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!"
The Love Between Two Brothers
Despite that heated exchange, I had a marvelous game. Chad was one of the starters on our basketball team playing power forward. His size, speed, and athleticism left no doubt in my mind (all of our minds) that he would get an American football scholarship to a university as a linebacker or halfback.
During his absence, our 2-guard (shooting guard) had to play small forward and I got the opportunity to start at 2-guard. I scored 14 points with 4 assists and 5 rebounds that game. I had a brilliant game where everything seemed to fit and all the players seemed to be in the right place when I needed them. We won that game by a blowout, where the score wasn't even close. Our normal shooting guard starter, even made a half court 3-pointer at halftime which drove the crowd into a frenzy.
After the game, we were all celebrating with the parents & crowd from school because the win had put us in the playoffs. At that moment, everything in the world seemed perfect and it seemed like nothing could ruin that perfect moment for us as a team. If we were old enough to drink Champagne in public like the pros, we probably would have popped a few bottles. Everyone was jumping up and down with some screaming at the top of their lungs. It was a moment in time and teamwork I will never forget.
During this marvelous celebration of victory, our coach started pulling us one by one to reassemble as a team underneath one of the hoops. As I walked over with the team, we were all wondering why Coach Chris was the only one not smiling and in a bright mood. Afterall, we had just made the playoffs with that win.
As we reassembled, Coach Chris told us to take a knee in a very soft voice and had a broken look on his face. Our star player Mel asked, "What's wrong coach? We won right?" There was a moment there, where it seemed like Coach Chris zoned out and when he spoke he said, "My boys. I love you all. You are all my boys." At that moment our principal walked over and put his hand on Coach Chris' shoulder.
Principle Gaudioso was always a stern but soft-spoken man filled with kindness and compassion. Though soft-spoken, we never saw or felt a soft bone in his body until that day. Principle Gaudioso's eyes teared up and he said to us, "I felt I should be the one to tell you boys this." He paused for a long moment as if trying to find the correct words. He continued, "After he didn't board our team bus, Chad got into a fight with another kid and got stabbed in his heart. I'm so sorry boys, he didn't make it." Those last words of his kept ringing in my ears, "...he didn't make it."
The Greatest Lesson in the Word Hate
I can still feel the pain, sadness, and confusion as I recall these memories. I'm extremely grateful I'm writing this because Chad taught me how to love with all of my heart from that day on and how to let things go. I blamed myself because the very last thing I said to my brother was, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!" Let me repeat that. The last thing I got to say to my brother who I loved more than anything was, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!" My heart bled for years after because of that and I ask that none of you put yourself through the same pain & turmoil.
From one of the families that raised me, my Momma Melody always taught me to never leave a loved one angry, because you may never see them again. When that lesson came around for me, I had said the worst thing to my brother that I can never take back. I never got the chance to tell Chad how much I loved and still love him or tell him how grateful I am that he's my brother. He's still my brother to this day.
For all you young people out there, I hope my greatest lesson in brotherhood, love and the word hate, helps you let things go. For me, since that period in my life, I've let things go within 5 minutes because Chad taught me how self-destructive anger is. Tomorrow is never promised and none of us should take each minute for granted cause our time is borrowed. Life is shorter than you think and we all should understand that we are getting the opportunity to love the people around us. As for me, I know I will one day get the chance to tell my brother from another mother (in this life), how much I appreciated his love and brotherhood.
I love you Chad Patrick Hubbard, no matter where you're currently waiting for me.
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