Sorry to hear about your predicament and that flat brings back some reminiscences for me.......lol. I don't know too much about PTSD but assume it is related to other anxiety disorders. I too have had a long standing anxiety disorder but I'm pleased to say its much better under control nowadays. The problem with these type of disorders is that sufferers tend to self medicate with drink or drugs or something else to use as a crutch to help them cope. I would just like to re-assure you that you won't always feel the way you do if you can give up the drink.....easier said than done I know. I actually really do know having spent many years as a very bad alcoholic, leading to repeated psychiatric interventions, drying out centres and substantial damage to my health. I never thought I'd be able to give up, lost my job, home and family and put everyone through the mill and resigned myself to the fact that it was going to kill me in quite a horrible way.....I was apathetic about death rather than suicidal really.....I didn't feel any particular preference to life or death.....they were essentially equivalent to me.
Anyway, my last drink was 15 years ago and anybody who knew me then would not recognise me now......and not just because I'm a wrinkly old bastard.....lol.
Please believe me when I say that I truly believe you will not always feel this way and keep telling yourself that - this is a period you are going through and you will come out the other side appreciating life.......just don't let it be a 25 yr period like myself....lol
And you call that flat untidy.....you don't know the meaning of the word! Mine was like the inside of a skip with mice running round. - you're a house proud tidy freak by comparison, you got obsessive cleaning disorder or something? Take care man and best wishes