As a teenager, I used to develop strong and intense feelings for women and would fantasize what it would be like to be with them, many nights were spent obsessing over my crushes. I would finally muster some courage to pursue my crushes and one by one, every single women who I ever fell for never felt the same way about me. Every girl who I ever talked to, I would get excited that she would finally be "the one", the girl to break the singleness curse and become my girlfriend. And every single time, I was only met with pain and disappointment. Every rejection felt like a sharp jolt of pain, and eventually it shattered whatever confidence and self-esteem I had.
That's why I never get crushes anymore. I can never allow myself to develop intense feelings for someone ever again because of the amount of times iv'e been hurt by women. Like Cleveland Browns fans, I never get my hopes up. Because when you get your hopes up, that's when it hurts the most.
I wish I had a girlfriend, someone to love, someone to have sex with but every time I put myself out in an opportunity to find it, I fail. I get rejected time and time again and it breaks me down. Whatever decision I make, every move is a losing move. I can never win.
The pursuit of love has made me jaded, has beaten me down, and destroyed me twice. And that's when I came to the realization that if I spent my life chasing girls, I would die a bitter old man. That I must build my foundation not on validation and approval from women, but on approval from myself.
I learned this year that women must never be a top priority in life because that would mean an unhappy life.
No, I was meant for something greater...
Focus on something that makes you happy, not on something that will ultimately disappoint you and break your heart...