Think I'm also going to start writing about some things I've learnt and found useful across the week. This would serve as a reminder for me, and perhaps you could find it useful too!
What are systems and what are goals?
Goals are targets that you either hit or you don't. For example, "I will get 4 As in my exam" -- you either hit that target or you don't. If you get 3As and 1B, you still fail in reaching your goal.
A system on the other hand is an on-going goal, and you usually set some boundaries. For example, "I will reduce the number of words that I don't understand in ____ language". That's not saying "you must know all the words in that language", but rather it's an on-going process of reducing the things you don't know.
My Personal Experience
When I read about this whole "systems vs goals" concept, it really hit me like a brick thrown at my face.
Most of the time I managed to succeed in working towards something, was through setting a system rather than a goal.
The second example actually happened to me back in school. I was getting Cs in my Mandarin class, and my exams were coming up -- "O" levels exam, what I would have to take to graduate. My teacher spoke to me and told me that she's not trying to get me to learn all the words, she's just trying to help me reduce the number of words I can't read. That really helped motivate me whenever I learnt a new word, cause I'm fulfilling that "condition" that we set.
Having the mindset to learn a few words and close the gap, rather than "there are 10,000 words and I don't know 9999 of them". Can you see the difference in how you'd feel? The second option just sounds super discouraging and impossible.
How can this apply to Relationships?
This has also helped me in my search for a good relationship. Previously my goal was to make this relationship work with so and so no matter what -- cause that's what the movies taught us right? Obviously all those relationships didn't work out, I was trying to force-fit them when we were incompatible.
I then set some boundaries and made a system instead -- my partner should:
(1) Make me feel comfortable, won't always have negative feelings
(2) Respect people in general, be it strangers or people we know
(3) Not a trend-chasing tard, and has his own opinions about things (even if it differs from my thoughts)
I think there were a few more points but I can't remember.
Anyway, so having this system helped me decide if I should stay or go, by reminding myself that it's kind of an on-going process. I think this also helps with preventing stagnation in long-term relationships.
I eventually found someone that still suits my system, from then till today! :)
Conclusion
Systems are definitely a better way in ensuring you hit your target in the end. The end goal is still the target, it's just how you make yourself feel on the way there to keep yourself going. If your goal is to be in a relationship, being in a bad relationship is still technically hitting your target -- but it might not be what you are truly looking for.
Ultimately we're all different, so I acknowledge that this whole concept of using "systems" might not work on everyone.
This post definitely serves as a reminder to myself though, to change the way I look at things as I work towards them. I hope this post has helped you look at things maybe just a little differently. I'd love to hear from you if you have any thoughts!