This year, Chinese New Year falls on the same week with Valentine's Day. 2 more days and It is the time of the year where couples scratched their heads to buy the perfect gifts for each other.
In my case, I do not have that kind of worries.. (Thank God!)
There was a Chinese web series named A love so beautiful (致我们单纯的小美好) that was based on a novel titled To Our Pure Little Beauty by Zhao Gangan. This web series talked about how one couple of high school classmates embark their life towards university until adulthood. It was released last year and the rating of this web series went sky high. This web series was one of the hot topics among young adults. (maybe like 90% girls, 10% boys?)
This made me think back all the memories about my first high school love life.
First thing that came to your mind...
Seriously? Called you go school study and you end up with a boyfriend?
Or maybe
DATING...DATING..DATING... So young already start all these nonsense.
To be honest...I do not think that getting into relationships during high school is a bad thing. At least, I have a great story to tell my kids next time about my awesome high school life.
A little confession here... This was the best relationship I had out of all relationships. (No... I do not have a lot of ex-boyfriends... I only dated twice...)
Why is it the best? Because it was the purest and sweetest relationship I ever had.
It is still a clear scene in my mind the day that we met in the classroom. I was the monitor of the class and it was my duty to arrange sitting partners among classmates as it was the teacher's order. I did not know whether it was faith or God's will to let me ended up arranging his sitting position behind me. We started our first conversation when I was a dummy in Mathematics . My sitting partner was not in that day and so, I turned behind to ask him about the solution of one Mathematics question. That one hell of a Mathematics question that led me talking to him for the first time. I think I should thank my brain for not understanding that question.
I did not know how we started talking more and more as well as passing letters around with each other in the class. It was just pure friendship at that time and I have to admit... We were not in our best looks. When we were young, we used to have our dream type of boyfriend... TALL..HANDSOME.. ATHLETIC...But, honey let me tell you this... It was just one nice sweet dream... He was neither tall nor handsome. He was not an athlete at all. But what made me fall for him was his heart. First impression is everything but I did not regret looking pass that first impression and get to know him more.
Our friendship lasted for months and it was amazing in getting to know him more. I still remember our first school trip together and it was a one-day trip to Melaka. My grandfather used to live in Melaka which means I will go Melaka almost every month. That one -day trip was the best Melaka trip I ever had in my life. We ate, played and shared our joy together happily with all our friends. Time passed so fast until I felt like we just got there few minutes ago.
After that trip, I knew I started to see him more than just a friend. My close friends even teased me about it but I was not shy about it because I think it is not a crime to like someone and it is perfectly normal at that age. We would always chat through text messages from mobile phone (WhatsApp did not exist and my mobile phone was Sony Ericsson W580i.) and Facebook. We even went to the same tuition center to study together three times per week. As time passes, we were getting closer and more comfortable with each other.
I know it is weird for girls to confess first. But, I wanted to break that wall and was ready to take the next step by myself. I did not want to wait for that one "miracle" which we all knew that is not going happen unless one of us make the first move.
I was not going to waste my opportunity even there was a chance of me getting rejected.
And so, we were chatting on Facebook one evening and he asked me this question.
HIM: So, do you have anyone you currently interested?
ME: Yeah..
HIM: Who is he? I know him?
ME: Yeah..Of course you do..He's in our class..
HIM: Ohhh really? Tell me who is he.
ME: Why not you take a guess?
HIM: (Telling all the boy's names in our class, except himself)
ME: You kinda forget to mention one more person.
HIM: Who?
ME: You.
HIM: .... Ummm... Don't play la... My mum is calling..Gotta go..Bye..
Well...That was one way to end a conversation. I did not get any responses after the conversation and that's the moment I thought I knew the answer...
One-sided love..
The next day, when I saw him in class, I treated him normally on the surface but deep down in my heart and mind, I was screaming for help... It was so awkward until I did not know how to describe the entire situation. But, things change after he passed me a piece of paper, writing :
Will you be my Girlfriend?
My face turned red and I was ecstatic. My feeling during that moment was like flying up high to the sky, passed every planets in the space and repeat the same route again. I replied with a cool "Yes" and that's the day we started dating, 2nd September 2010.
Our friends were so happy for us and it felt good to have someone that comfort and support you at the same time, no matter what problems you are facing. It was like a sweet high school love life that we seen in dramas. We were secretly dating behind our parents because we knew we will get nagging from them all day long, especially from my side as my parents are the Asian strict parents that will always remind me : Ah girl ah.. Don't date during school time.. When you start working, then you can find boyfriend... Now, focus on your study first...
Like any other couples, we fought about little things but we got back together after talking about the problems that caused it. We give and take with each other throughout our relationship but I guess it was not enough for us to reach the happy ending of our story. We ended our relationship after 2 years as there were some miscommunication and trusting issues occurred.
It has been 5 years since we last met. When we both parted our own ways, we gave our best and most sincere blessing to each other. It was not easy to let go someone that you cared and loved dearly, but isn't love suppose to be pain and sweet at the same time?
Sometimes, the grown ups never understood how we (young adults or teenagers) felt after a breakup because they think that it's for our good. But, the question is... Is it really for our own good or theirs?
In my opinion, you can't really blame those high school students that were hiding behind and come out with excuses for being in a relationship. It is a growing process in life and there are some valuable lessons in it. There are a lot to learn in terms of building our own characters when we are in a relationship. Even if we failed or cried after a breakup, it is something that we need to go through due to the pain of losing someone that we really cared about. It is also important that we take a failed relationship as a valuable lesson so that we can grow to be a better person in the next relationship.
Sometimes we just need to suck it up and move on because life is not worth stewing over pain.
Some of you might be thinking now...
It's just high school puppy love...
You are overreacting.. Focus on your studies laa...
Stop being a bad influence to the young ones...
I mean this is only my own perspective and it is important that the grown ups (parents) understand what the younger generations are thinking, instead of jumping to the conclusion and ..The end...
I do regret in letting go of this relationship.. Because I knew I missed a great guy that once loved me so much. It took me almost 5 years to plant all the bittersweet memories I had with him deeply in my heart. It is not easy but I believe that GOD had plans for me and this was just one of his plans in making me to grow up more.
Seeing him smiling happily now, it is more like a sense of relieve instead of any other negative emotions and feelings.
To the specific HIM : I know that you are happy with her now. I hope I can meet you again on better terms in my next life. I wish you happiness forever and ever.
Love Sincerely,
Your ex.