I wrote this last night. Let me know what yall think!
Epic Rap Battles of History!
Doctors Versus Holistic Healers!
Hey Doctors,
Here’s a rap about your crap:
Healer:
How dare you call yourself a healer
So respected in your field
You ain’t even a leader
Who you even ever healed?
Whatchu know bout healin, man?
Your science don’t even talk about feelings, fam.
Doctor:
C-section – more like C how much time we can make in this session
Sit back, shut your mouth
We know what we’re doing
Birth’s a condition
We race for the cure.
If you knew it was natural
You’d never pay it.
We literally fake it
Because you all buy it
Money we make it
And ya’ll all be dyin.’
Healer:
I majored in English, just read some good books
But I can heal people with food that I cook
With listening and hugging and herbs that I grow
Here’s what I know that I guess you don’t know:
All the plants grow to heal some condition –
This ain’t even stickin,
I bet you’re still thinkin it’s fiction
But’s it’s you who is trippin
Plants are my religion.
No way you don’t know man
Nature can show and
Cells can regrow and
People are capable of choosing to forgive
That is the staple if we’re trying to live.
You act like you don’t know . . .
Doctor:
Only thing I won’t boast about
Is my Hippocratic oath, no doubt.
I’m bought and sold
Do what I’m told
Putting ethics on hold.
My parents both so proud of me
Talking in every crowd bout me.
Healer:
I’d bring up the c-word but
I might end up dead
Two holes in my head
Ruled suicide
Yeah hundreds have died
Good folks of your craft
Snuffed out too fast
Healing people too fast.
But word did get out
Now everybody shout,
“Medicine is administered
From the Inside Out!”
So sanitize your forceps
While we call on the Force yes
We pray to cells and to god and with bells
And when we rise and dine and do the dishes –
We even pray when we write disses
Reiki handshakes reiki kisses
You best keep track o your missus
Heard she’s going vegan
And I heard that it’s delicious.
Doctor:
I could get a better education
In some shitty third world nation
I’m a god of medication
And I own all of my patients
Why can’t you be a conformer
But my meds can reform ya
Write you into a corner
Just a case of Oppositional defiant disorder
Healer:
You’re so white you’re pasty
Putting weed in a pill
Think that’s tasty?
I don’t want your universal healthcare
Because I care about my welfare
Chances are, you’ll kill me by mistake
Cuz you’re blind or you’re dumb or you don’t know what’s at stake.
It’s my life, bruh.
It’s my life, bruh.
Not your life, bruh.
Get a life, bruh.
Learn about life, bruh.
Doctor:
Your body’s speaking up?
The best solution for that
Is giving me a stack
Of cash that you earned
For side effects that burn
Worse than before
Then you come back for more
Get used to my door, and this floor, and the cold in your core,
I’m your S & M whore.
Healer:
I’d be for the wall if
Doctors had borders
All em on an island like hoarders
Radiating each other for quarters.
My typical clinical is mystical
Because life is unpredictable
If you like what I say,
Read Louise L. Hay
She’ll channel you strength from above
And she can help you find some self-love
And if you have to ask your doctor
About something that you saw on TV
How bout the The Office episode five season three.
Doctor:
You can say I’m a quack
Like I’d worry about that
There are no lemon laws
For medical fraud
People get what they pay for
They like sitting behind doors
And getting to see my face more
What you still don’t seem to get
Is your herbs are a joke, they’re not even legit
My pills are backed up by medical science
I swear to you, I can cure your defiance
You can be normal if you give me a chance
Just write me a check and take off your pants
Amanda:
They killed off my aunt her
Body filled with cancer
Then passed out cans of cola
It’s just like I told ya
While she’s fighting like a soldja
In the hospital that employed her
Maybe she’ll die today
We can’t cover her stay
She’s wasting away
And they have the nerve to say,
“who here’s going to pay?”
But they’ll have their day
And I pray while I say
Yo, eat an apple a day and keep the m’fuckin doctors away.
-Amanda Freemanda
[Photo taken last week in Virginia]
As always, my book of poems can be found here
Have a great week everybody!