It’s my birthday.
It seems that a lot of people get depressed around their birthday. I am no exception. I’m not sad for any obvious reason. I’m not lamenting the fact that I’m aging or that I’m another year older. I’m not upset by my lack of accomplishments. On the contrary, I am very proud of myself.
I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish in my life. I’m proud of my body and the work that I have put into it to feel and look healthy. I’ve lost 30 lbs over the past 8 months and feel better than I have in years. I’m proud of the projects I am working on and am hopeful for the future.
I’ve made big life-changing shifts over the past year. I left my partner of seven years and uprooted my stability and sense of security because it was crushing my soul. I took up voice lessons and weight training. I paid off my credit card debts and I started investing in crypto currency. I wrote a full length musical. I quit drinking alcohol.
I feel good about my life and yet, I am still sad around my birthday.
I appreciate all the wonderful friends I have and the community that we have built. I don’t feel lonely. I feel full. I feel lucky. I feel grateful. I feel privileged. I feel healthy but I still feel sad.
I had breakfast with a friend this morning and she said she gets sad on her birthday too because it reminds her that she is still here. Yeah, I feel that. I’m still here on this planet. Which is fine, but I do miss my home planet... wherever that is. It’s really dusty and dirty here and the system is unkind. I don’t know where I’m from but I have a strong sense that I don’t really belong here. Like there has been some terrible mistake, yet here I am and every year, without fail, I am reminded of the day I arrived.
Anyways, I’m gonna get through the day with some loved ones and tomorrow will be just another day. I can't wait.