Breaking my Celibacy

It's no secret to my close friends and followers of my live casts that I was celibate for almost 6 years. I wasn't really planning on six years but... It was that kind of dark night of the soul moment, I was 42 and still living like a teenager in many ways.

All of my relationships were fractional at best even with my family. When I wasn't working (and I worked way too much) it was just alcohol, dancing, meaningless connections, while I wasn't exactly promiscuous I certainly wasn't committing to anyone either (even though I'd been divorced almost 10 years by then).

I just didn't feel good anymore! I first quit dating and sex, then cigarettes and took up vaping (which I still enjoy) I still had many other things going on health wise and eventually discovered I had Alpha Gal (which will be in another blog or this will take too long haha) helped unionize my main job so I didn't have to work so much (another blog too) got a cheaper place and got rid of my car to get out of debt (another blog) weight gain, weight loss ugh too much to cover. Needless to say that 6 years was the biggest growth period of my life!

Anyways back on topic :D I used those years to heal my soul and get healthy again spent quality time with my family and friends. I now feel good about myself physically, mentally and spiritually. When I decided to start dating again about a year ago I realized the fact I was celibate so long was actually working against me. It just all felt so unfamiliar and I didn't feel comfortable with the people I was dating or so I thought...

It all happened in Mexico :D a little over a month ago: there were 3 really amazing guys pursuing me and I really wasn't expecting any of it. I honestly just booked the trip so I could keep up my exercise routine while the weather was crappy. Two of the three were good choices by the new standard I had for myself, nice, handsome, smart and the other was exactly the guy I used to date: way too young, funny, smart too, loved to dance, player... The first two both asked me out on proper dates and were perfect gentlemen... but I just wasn't comfortable with them. The 3rd pursued me endlessly and constantly, while I resisted him I felt 100% comfortable around him and could be myself completely with no editing. We developed a friendship and eventually a deep trust, candid conversations we talked about anything and everything lol and after the 20th time he asked me to sleep with him I finally said yes :) and it was amazing!

I realized the guys I used to be attracted to ARE right for me... we're not all made for marriage and there's nothing wrong with that. What I was missing before is I can be a much more healthy, vibrant, present version of myself and enjoy the people I truly connect with. I realized there's no where I have to be in life and no mold I have to fit into - I just need to be true to myself in a whole, healthy way :D

hehe probably not the ending you were expecting but this is real life :D

Thanks for reading!