_//20.03.2018//
I came to this realization today, I thought that my life could sincerely be called hell, whether its true or not.
I cant say that it couldnt be worse, and other than a few times I'm usually not completely alone, while others may be, and I do respect that, but... I still feel like my life is set up to feel like hell, its disgrace after disgrace, disappointment after disappointment, always afraid of something, I'm never free, I dont know what if feels like to be free.
Because of one thing or another, I'm always worried and most of all afraid. At times I'm not, and those are the worse because there is usually something bad building up that will strike me later in the future for not reacting in time.
Thats just how it feels, struggle after struggle and loads of bullshit and bad luck, and fear and despair, and humiliation, and literal terror.
I have thought about killing myself a lot, helping in this sub made it seem like a normal option over time. Sometimes I waste an entire work journey thinking of plans. Sometimes I try come up with plans that would do other people as little pain as possible, sometimes the opposite, sometimes strategies to make it seem like I died happily, and sometimes just aiming for a plan that secures death. I make the rational decision not to do it because I think things will get better, and I do try to make them better, but...but... :(
Yes, that's me.
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Shot On:- Redmi Note 4
Edited On:- VSCO
Location:- CSMT
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