The High Costs of Being a Single Mother in America

Financially and emotionally, the struggles of the single mother are real.

Single moms have a big job. We are coach, maid, cook, chauffeur, teacher, judge and jailer, manager and nurse- and that's just at home- many struggle and juggle more than one job outside the home. Many have ex husbands who have left the country or are otherwise in hiding in order to avoid paying child support. For those of us, I can attest- it is damn near impossible. Every day is a struggle.

Only one in 3 single mothers receive child support. The average is $430 per month.

In 2016, 35.6% of single mother households were living below the poverty line, 27.5% were poor, and 31.6% were food insecure.

Two thirds of American single mothers spend over half their income on housing, which is considered the threshold for “severe housing cost burden,” and as such are extremely vulnerable to homelessness.

27.5% were unemployed at least part of the year due to illness related child care problems. When her children are healthy and at daycare, a single mother earns 79¢ to a mans or married mothers dollar for the same job due to employers knowing she probably won't be hired for long as children in school get sick quite easily. Sick children are not allowed at daycare facilities so the mother cannot work. The median income for a single mom vs a married one is $35,400 to $85,300.

69% of single mother households receive food stamps and TANF government assistance. But even then the (average) amount $720 is far less than the minimum needed to stave off hardships like hunger, homelessness, and utility cut-offs. And if you earn any money from a job, these benefits are decreased.

The system is not set up for success.

With single moms spending over half of their income on housing expenses and a third on child care, they have little to spend on education. Only 36% of their children graduate with a college degree and 16% do not complete high school.

Money doesn’t but happiness, but it does provide security and comfort.

Before I took my children and left an abuser who never should have had the honor of being called “dad”, my boys wore shoes that fit and clothes without holes. They could try out for all the sports they wanted each semester, knowing if they didn't make the team it was due to skill, not the fact we couldn't afford the fees and gear.

When I was married, we never had to live without heat or electricity for a week or two here and there, then pay over $100 on top of the bill just to turn them back on when I finally was paid. Before I was a single mother, we never even had to worry about utility bills- it just automatically came out of the bank account each month.

Single mothers struggle something fierce in every area of their lives. Each day must be carefully planned ahead of time, and any incidental is a minor tragedy because there is only one of you. A child misses the bus or is sent home by the school nurse? You lose money and possibly your job by leaving work early. You need to be at one childs dentist appointment at the same time as another's soccer tournament? You guilt is heavy but there is a lot of going without.

And don't ever get sick. Absolutely forbid your children from bringing the cold virus into your home! There is no way you can get sick. You have to work, do the chores, and be both mom and dad. Ain't nobody got time for a cold!

1 in 4 children have an absent father. I realize the importance of being a strong, educated, hardworking man who treats women, animals and their elders with care and respect. I treasure a man who is both emotionally intelligent and can provide for his family and not leave. I want my boys to be able to both fix things around the house and change a diaper (when they are much *much* older!). A man must be honest, empathetic, loyal and have a steady work ethic.

I am trying to grow good, strong men. It is a difficult job when the one they were supposed to emulate takes off to begin a new family.

Being a single mother can be socially isolating. When you are trapped underneath a small country of responsibility it is almost impossible to find time for yourself, much less investing in friendships or searching for a companion in life. Add in the cost and difficulty of hiring a trustworthy sitter to get out of the house for some adult interaction and you have yet another stressor in your already volatile reality.

I love my boys something fierce. But lets be honest, parenting is hard! There are grey areas and the game changes almost daily. Married parents have another adult to talk things over with, and share the burden of the decisions. Being a single mom means all the weight is on my shoulders. I have to make all the calls- even the tough ones- all by myself. The emotional burden is a heavy one. Let’s face it... a single mom does alone what is designed to be a two person job. It's not your imagination when you see a single mom looking worn out!

My boys are big fans of Mother's day. They go all out- breakfast in bed, flowers, and I am not allowed to do any chores. Last year, my boys surprised me with breakfast in bed on Father's day.

This was one of the best days of my life.

As societal norms, family structures and economic environments change, policy must evolve to address these challenges. To guarantee a stable and successful future for children growing up in single mother situations, we need to give these ideas the serious time and thought they desperately deserve today.

Sources and images:
Pixabay.com
USA Today
Creative Commons
Single Mother Stats
Huffington Post
Whisper
My own years of single mothering