Since moving to the homestead, I have been learning so much. There are some things that I know, some I have read about, and some I have no idea about. I knew that raising my own animals would take work, and I would have to deal with death. Sometimes it's disease, or a predator, or my own hand. Each time I have had to deal with an animal dying, I have had some sort of emotional response. I always find it a little sad when an animal dies or has to die on my homestead, but Ive come to learn that its just a part of this lifestyle, and its ok to feel that way.
Before moving to Armadillo Creek, I had trapped rodents, killed lizards and bugs but never took a life of any animal larger than a small rat. Even then, those I saw as "pests" and it never registered that I was killing another living being. After moving here, I was gifted quite a few rabbits from and had to learn how to dispatch and process them myself. After learning how it was done, I did some myself the next day with my wife. She is the hunter out of us. She is an accomplished deer hunter, competition trap shooter, and was raised closely with animals. Her father is a Vet, and taught her how to care for animals when she was young. She guided me through it all. But after we go tthrough the first couple of rabbits. I had to stop. My mind was racing, I was getting emotional, and my hands were shaking. It took me a moment to realize what was going on. I was having a strong emotion reaction to taking another life. Once I stopped, I started to cry. For what I felt was no reason. I was so embarrassed to be a big tough bear of a guy sobbing about killing some bunnies for dinner in front of my wife. She was so supportive and caring about what I was going through. She understood the feeling you get when taking a life like this for the first time and just said "It's ok, Love. You're supposed to have a reaction, especially the first time. Its what makes you human, and a big reason I love you." That settled my nerves a bit and helped me calm, and we finished up what we had. It was still hard to do, but I did it, because it is the life I chose to live, and it is something that will always happen for us to provide for ourselves. The next day, talking to the Yeti form
he gave me a slice of wisdom about taking life on a homestead: "You will never get fully used to having to take life on your homestead. There will always be an emotional response. If you stop feeling an emotional response when taking a life... I dont know if I would still want to hang out with someone like that... ;) " It was sage advice I needed to hear. Here is the video we did when I first learned how it was done! We were on the homestead for maybe a month when we all got together for this video!
The little golden quail at the top of this post was one of the more spirited of my small flock. She was one of the few that would nip and jump at me when i put my hands in the cage instead of running for cover. She grabbed food from my hands, and if she were in the dust bath when i went for eggs.... WATCH OUT!
Over the last week, she had been acting and walking funny. Not seeming herself, I separated her from the flock to keep a closer eye. It seems that her pelvis or back had been broken, more than likely from a male being too rough. These little birds are so tiny that once they are injured like that, it is very hard for them to recover. Last night, she stopped walking, and just had a sad, tired look to her eye.
It broke my heart, but I knew that she was suffering, and it was time for me to end her pain. I did the deed quickly, and disposed of her properly. Afterwards, my hands, were ever so slightly shaking. I felt a lump in my throat and took a moment to appreciate the lifestyle I chose. Even though I have a much better understanding of the lives in my hands and what must be done, I will always feel a little emotional each time I do. I feel, in a way, I am paying a respect to that animal. I am understanding the living energy that resides in it, also resides in me, and that, is what makes us human.
Its a valuable lesson to learn, and something any new homesteader will have to encounter. To own animal life, will mean, in one way or another, that animals will die under your watch. They are a living, breathing, and feeling animal, and should get the respect and care they deserve when their time comes. It should happen every time, for every animal, no matter how big or small. To me, becoming a homesteader is also becoming a steward of the land and lifeforms around you. Its feeling a deeper connection to everything around you and understanding the lives and energy it takes to live this way.
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