I pretend to be friends with everyone, and the thing is.. its not really pretending - during the moments of deep connection and conversation, I feel a sense of connectedness where I could sit and talk with them forever. In those deep spaces of people sharing their whole life with me, I feel in a place of openness and safety and being human and knowing that we all go through shit in life. I feel as though I have just entered parts of their world. They allowed me in to a space that not many people get the chance of witnessing.
With that being said, I feel like I have a lot of people in my world that I call friends. Although, I really don’t think of them as friends at the same time. They shared their life with me and thats that. But I could sit in conversation all day long with anyone sharing about our lives and the patterns, and why we do certain things and what fucked us up when we were younger and what is fucking us up now, and the gratitudes and breakthroughs, I feel like with anyone I can get down to the core of that in someone, and although it feels great, it also is a contradiction in my world. Like this bittersweet feeling of people saying “Wow, I don’t have people I can speak to about this stuff, thanks for listening” In my eyes I wonder how people don’t have people they can speak to about that stuff, because all I desire to talk about is life and the inner humanness that we all face inside.
Oh and crazy manifestation happened in my world the other day, I was on the phone with one of my best friends and we were talking about the fact that I could probably talk to someone who murdered someone and would never judge them but ask them what they were going through in life at the time, and what do you know, God placed me right front in center alone for a 7 hour drive with a guy who did just that. We were driving down to California together and we were talking about the worst things we have ever did in our lives and he told me he murdered someone. I never even had the feeling of leaving his presence, I more wanted to know why and what happened during the experience that made him do it. Maybe I have a fucked up mind to want to know what goes through peoples heads but it was beautiful to sit with him and hear his story. He then shared how good it felt to finally release it. In those moments, I felt like we were friends. Friends that could openly speak about anything that comes up. Now that I have left his presence and have no contact to him anymore, I don’t see him as my friend, but a person that has a story in life just like any of us.
I had one of my friends commit suicide about 2 weeks ago and about 2 months before he did it, he told me I helped him so many times from actually doing it and he wished more people listened. Most people just want to feel heard and acknowledged, its pretty simple.
This pic is for my friend chris who passed away a couple weeks ago, he sent me these book for helping and listening to him through tough times <3
It’s really hard for people to hate or dislike anyone once you have heard their story in life. Which is one of the many reasons I feel so connected to everyone in my life and friends with them, while not feeling connected to them or friends with them at all. This is something I know I do very well in, is listening to peoples stories without judgement. I think if more people listened to the stories of people around them, whether you were friends with them or not, your heart would soften to the realization that we are all humans going through different shit in the same world. 💕☄️🌎