If you really think about what we discussed yesterday, you will begin to realize how vulnerability is actually the perfect tool to display and detect authenticity in someone, and as we know, it's authenticity and real-ness that brings meaning into human relationships.
Couples who actually talk about the problems they are facing in their relationship are the ones who actually solve those problems which strengthens their bond and deepens trust and feelings of fulfillment.
This is what it's all about. You have to be willing to take the hit. You have to be willing to be the first one who risks facing rejection. This is what I've been trying to teach myself too for quite some time now. It's your involvement that counts and influences the people around you.
"What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful" said Brene Brown in one of her TED talks. It's your vulnerability that makes you stand out and unique, more than your physical appearance or your financial success.
You obviously wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with a sociopathic asshole, even if they are filthy rich or attractive, would you? Of course not. No one wants that (excpt for other sociopaths maybe) because we as humans crave emotional attachment and spiritual connections way more than materialistic possessions.
One of the most important requirements in building connection between two people, is for them to be real and to not try to become someone else just for the other person's sake. This is something that I didn't realize in my first relationship and really wish I had known earlier.
We often seem to forget or ignore the fact that people who experience shame, are the ones who actually know the value of love and belonging because they already know what it's like to be lonely and without any emotional support.
I admit, vulnerability does bring out some pretty horrible feelings like guilt, regret, fear and disappointment, but it also gives birth to the feelings that we all live for like joy, gratitude, love, and understanding.
You can't just push a button and get rid of all the bad feelings because you always want to feel good, no, that's not how it works. You have to accept the bad feelings, so to make room for the good ones. You have to risk being vulnerable, so to make room for the potential reward of enriching your relationships with other people.
The reason why I can say this works, is because it takes work. To embrace vulnerability is a lot of work and is mentally tiring. But as we know, happiness feels a lot better and lasts a lot longer when you have to work for it instead of getting instant gratification from social media which hardly lasts for a few seconds.
Now, the problem is, people are afraid of this because vulnerability leads to uncertainty. So people do exactly the opposite of what they should do: crave certainty, which is the enemy of vulnerability because where there's certainty, there's no growth.
One thing people also do to avoid vulnerability and hide their fears, is blame. They blame other people because it's just such an easy way to discharge their pain and discomfort that they have build up as they kept avoiding the problems in their lives that they should have worked on but they didn't, causing them to feel shameful of themselves.
What strong vulnerability suggests is, to be upfront about all of it. If you opened up about your problems and if the other person judges you for that, then that doesn't mean you did something wrong, that just means they don't have the capacity for empathy and frankly, I wouldn't make to make connections with these kind of people anyway.
The truth is, we all have problems, fears, and insecurities. The only difference is, some people admit them and become stronger, some people don't and keep suffering.
Related articles:
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- Why Being Embarrassed Of Your Past Is A Sign Of Self-Growth
- How The Hunger For Perfection Ruins The Quality Of Life
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