It was a windy afternoon on a particular grey day. A friend of mine was visiting and we were strolling alongside a city canal. The air smelled like autumn and the leafs where colored yellow and red. I was in a time and place in my life that I felled I needed to decide what I wanted to do. I was talking about my musings and as usual, my friend lets me talk. I told him about my ambitions and life goals. "How about you?" I asked him "What is your ambition?" He smiled at me and said, "I have none". I laughed at him "Yeah right" I said, thinking he was joking. "No, I am serious" he said.
I stopped walking to observe him. He was serious, very serious. "You have nothing you want to be?" I asked him. "Yes I have, I want to be me," he said while looking over the water. "Like an improved version of you?" I asked. "No, I just want to be me," He said. I still had a feeling he was joking somehow. This multi-talented person didn't want to reach some goal in his life?
I still remember this conversation because it made me think. I felt a bit ashamed that I had implied he wasn't good enough but more so I didn't understand his lack of ambition. He is a very intelligent person who has qualities I look up to. I believe he can change the world, touch peoples lives in a very no-nonsense but positive way.
Through the years I learned to know him better. I started to see how his lack of ambition actually gave him the freedom to grow. It took a life-changing challenge for me to understand this was a good thing to try for myself.
I have learned to be afraid to stand still. You have to set five-year goals to ensure you will become somebody. You have to work hard and focus. If you keep your goals in your head, the sky is the limit. If you don't do that, you become a fixed person.
A fixed person is somebody who stopped developing and stays at the same place in life. The same everyday drama, the same everyday chores, and most important a fixed brain. No growing, no learning, no challenge and no enthusiasm.
The life-changing challenge came and I had to adjust my expectations to meet the new reality. Our conversation came back to memory again and again. I took me some time to realize what it meant to have, being yourself, as a life goal. I came to understand there where more possibilities than being a growing or a fixed person. Being yourself could very well mean being able to adjust when life is challenging you.
I wasn't able to keep up with the rat race and there is a distinct possibility I never will again. There wasn't much to lose anymore, so I gave in. I found I was able to feel happy with what I still have. Instead of chasing goals I felt thankful for the things I reached. A new world opened up. I started to learn more about things I want to know. I am growing without setting goals and it is closer to my life dream than I ever was before. My friend gave me in this conversation the tools I needed many years later. I am thankful to know there is more than succeeding and loosing. I am still learning and adjusting since I have to create my own path, but from now on it is my path.
I made the drawing