I was very lucky to grow up in a family that taught my sister and me to be independent, strong willed, and compassionate towards our fellow humans. My parents instilled the values of helping others by running the homeless program in our church and bringing us along with various charity projects, including Habitat for Humanity.
That also means that we independently formed differing political opinions and religious beliefs. I believe that we all hold the same values, we just choose to express them in different ways.
During the last presidential election here in America, politics in my family were split in three directions, which led to some heated fights. However, after the election, I talked to friends who voted differently than me. I asked one question, why. Nonjudgementally. I sought to listen, not to judge, not to change anyone's mind. Simply seeking to understand. I learned a lot, and I felt it brought me closer to my friends, and to understanding a mindset that seemed alien to me.
That led me to start a Facebook group of people willing to discuss divergent views. The first step was inviting people willing to listen, not just be heard. Then setting up ground rules, mostly following my philosophy of not being an asshole (see previous post). Once this was set, I asked questions to humanize each other. It's easy to dismiss another's opinion if you don't see them as humans, with similar wants and needs. Then, we started to get into the harder questions.
The results of this experiment were mixed, mostly interrupted by personal unrelated crises. However, the foundation for the group was solid. Importantly, it showed my mother that while I have different viewpoints, I respect others' views but choose to not listen to hateful speech meant to hurt others or deepen the chasm. The tone of our conversations changed. Instead of me getting defensive and angry and her interrupting me and fights escalating, I started talking about how certain things were hurtful to me. She would apologize, explain her view if she felt like discussing it, and we'd move on. She also tried to share messages on social media to bring people together. It changed the nature of our relationship, even though she wasn't even a member of the Facebook group. Just knowing I was trying made all the difference.
My mother and I swimming with face masks. No contentious talk here, just silly faces and well moisturized skin.
