Last night I had to do something way out of my comfort zone. For the last 3 days I've been stressed about something that comes natural to some people. I've been going out of my mind and it's the only thing ON MY MIND so I'm not in the position to write about anything else tonight.
This is something that I had no issue with about 5years ago, but after living in a remote area somewhere in the desert for the last couple of years, I no longer have the guts to do things like this on my own. I'm so used to my husband doing these kinds of things and I've settled into a zone of letting him do all the business that was once my department. I've scaled down to being the diaper changer and dinner maker, the "housewifey" that I never thought I would become.
Doing things on my own scares me lately. Going to the mall alone, scares me. The first time I've noticed this, was one day, a few months ago, when I had to go to the bank and do a simple cash deposit. If there is one person who knows how to make a cash deposit, IT'S ME! Before moving here, I used to teach. For 4 years in a row, I taught Grade 5's in a subject called "Economics Management Sciences", how to fill out a deposit slip and the procedure to follow at the bank and that's something I knew how to do as I've done it a million times on my own, but for some reason I wasn't able to do this simple little thing that day. I walked into the bank with the money in my hand and I froze. Suddenly, I had no clue what I was supposed to do. My hands were shaking and the people must have thought I'm crazy. A man came to me and asked me if he could help me and guided me through the process. I felt so silly while driving home and I wanted to kick myself but that's when I realized that, for the last 5years, I didn't do things like this because I let my husband handle the business while I looked after the children.
It scared me!
So yesterday, I had to drop my husband off at Dubai International Airport. It's a 400km drive from where we live and although he was the one driving at first, I knew that I had to do the trip home...without him, in the dark, and with 3 small children in the car! I was terrified!!! Bad luck follows me everywhere I go and I was afraid that something might happen on the road, an accident, a flat tyre, children crying for their father, etc. It wasn't the driving that scared me, but the thought of being all alone in a country with no family to call in case of an emergency and no friends, as they are all back home in South Africa for the holidays.
After checking him in, he came back to the car with us and made sure everyone was buckled up. I cried like a baby and after a sad goodbye, it started! It was just after midnight. I clenched the steering wheel to a point where my hands started cramping in the Dubai traffic. The kids eventually fell asleep and I turned the music volume up and started to sing like a professional in an attempt to stay awake and to cheer myself up. I skipped all the sad songs because they made me cry, so my playlist consisted of the following:
- Scatman John - Scatman
- Sin With Sebastian-Shut up and sleep with me
- Techno/Trance 6 : More Than Words
- Elle King - Ex's & Oh's
- Crazy Town - Butterfly
- Shakira - Waka Waka
- PSY - GANGNAM STYLE
- The Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit)
- Pitbull - Give Me Everything
- Adrima - Discoland
- Guru Josh Project - Infinity
- Lana Del Rey vs Cedric Gervais 'Summertime Sadness' Remix
First it was my thumbs getting the beat on the steering wheel and my head moving a little to the music, but that got boring so I did both simultaneously. I then switched on the cruise control and tapped my feet a little...and then more and I imagined myself being a tap dancer. Luckily, the windows are tinted so nobody could see me, but desperate times calls for desperate measures! I was tired and had to get myself and my children home safely and that playlist was THE BOMB!
At the end, I can say that it wasn't that bad and I'll do the exact same in a few days when I have to take that same trip all over again to pick my husband up where I left him. I would be lying if I said that I am not scared, but at least it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be and that doing things out of your comfort zone, could be fun.
