Hello and welcome to a little Retrospective.
Actually, I should call it a "Retro-perspective", since it revealed a number of aspects that were quite telling, and also entertaining. Giving insight into what You could call the Universe’s "machinations". Follow me on a short trip back in time to May, 2017. The time before things would turn rather crazy.
Prior to ending up on “Hive”, I had published on “Steemit”. Steemit appeared while I was sitting in limbo on Hawai'i Island. Nothing would go as desired and I am sure You can relate to that. That's just how things go sometimes. Although I had been publishing around under different aliases for many years, it was "Medium" in its early existence that drew my attention towards it. What I had to say or write was for the most part rooted in political analysis and philosophy. As quintessential moment, the “selections” of 2000 created the desire to continue writing. "Continue", because I have a journalistic background going back to the mid 1980's when I learned the craft of photojournalism from the bottom up. With great success, if I may add. Personal developments lead to changes in my life and ultimately I found myself on the island of Maui. At that time I considered my English language skills as insufficient to continue with local journalism. There was another reason for not considering to write about local issues on Maui - I was not a local. Although I had become a legal resident over the years, to write about local politics on Maui lacked the insight into its local affairs. A theme that has been with me ever since. Who am I to write about topics relating to how people like to live, to vote, or to manage their economy?
Writing on Medium was different in so far, as there were many different voices and I became just one of them. At first, those voices appeared to be coming from all walks of life. Pertaining all aspects of life in the U.S. of A. As someone who had experiences writing about local governance back in Germany, I started to apply that knowledge to politics in America, where I would now live. So, I was also affected by what was dished out on a federal level. Writing on a more national level had the advantage of not colliding overly with the problems that plagued the original population on the Hawai’ian Islands. If anything, I was on the side of “Kanaka Maoli”, since my friendships with members of the Hawai’ian community grew over time. If there was anything noteworthy happening on Hawai’i - in my community - I would write a piece about it on Medium. For the most part though, I engaged with issues pertaining national affairs. Politics in America offered room for all kinds of opinions and assessments. To rise to prominence and become popular writing about U.S. Politics would require to peel out noteworthy events, and there were of course lots of political analysts that covered most of the space. Weaving some philosophy into political affairs enabled a different point of view without leaning out too much. Softening my usually very direct language in regards to questionable behavior on behalf of politicians, their legislations and what would trickle down to the people I could observe on a daily basis.
Then came a time, when the currents in U.S. politics were dominated by very few “actors”. Divisions began to take proportions that were toxic to the society as a whole. During this time, game changing developments occurred. One of them was “Citizens United” - a ruling by SCOTUS that changed the political and societal landscape for good. Twelve years later, the ruling is more controversial than ever before, as its implications are now felt by the majority of the population. Then followed the 2012 Presidential election and caused a ruckus. Incumbent President Obama won his re-election mainly due to the Latino-American vote and that created divisions that can also felt to this day. It was the advent of a shift in politics unlike anything before. Mitt Romney was not defeated by a big margin and the Republicans would maintain control over the House of Representatives.
At this time, what would become the most controversial person in politics up the the nomination of one Donald Trump, was appointed Secretary of State. For very good reasons, the name of that person has become unmentionable. Although a large number of citizens already had concerns about where the country was heading, things would get more difficult for the silent majority. That reflected itself in the articles appearing on Medium. Critical voices popped up and had to find out the hard way that criticism of specific people in the government was not tolerated. The rift that had displayed itself in society was now felt on Medium. The site had only started in August of 2012, but soon after the election, tendencies became visible that showed its allegiance to the party of the re-elected occupant in the White House. Which is not that unusual, considering that there is some psychologically explainable drift towards the party in power. With the House of Representatives still controlled by the opposition - if you can call it that - there were dissenting voices to be heard on Medium for some time to come. However, when the primaries for the 2016 Presidential election began, the mood began to shift. In a very controversial fashion, the incumbent party’s nomination process was tilted towards the same person, that the majority of the population had issues with. Not only because of the prime time interview about the heinous murder of Muammar Gaddafi and the subsequent destruction of Libya. There were a number of other issues that cannot be elaborated about here. But the hopeful contender for the nomination Bernie Sanders - who actually posed a viable alternative to one Donald Trump - conceded without going it all for his constituents. He just gave up and ended his campaign, leaving the unelectable person to face the quickly gathering backing of the populist Trump.
This is where my publishing time on Medium came to an end. Struggling with the fact that Sanders had dropped the towel without any notable resistance - almost eagerly - my writing started to reflect that. Pointing out the obvious manipulations of the DNC to ensure the unelectable person would be nominated - very similar to the ouster of Henry Wallace, whom the majority of Americans wanted to see as the successor to Franklin D. Roosevelt - although Truman had no opponent that would endanger his election. When I wrote about the failure of the Democratic Party in 1948, the repetition in 2016 was ominous. With the difference that the reiteration of nominating the wrong person proved to be more consequential than in 1948. Some have delegated the failure of the Democratic Party to continue its backing of the working class to the nomination of Truman - 68 years prior to the debacle of the 2016 election. Drawing parallels between the abandonment of the working class in 1948 were not welcome on Medium, that had bet on a win of the former Secretary of State under Obama. Criticism over this incomprehensible failure on behalf of the DNC was not tolerated. Having been lauded only a short time earlier as “noteworthy author” by readers, the backlash by the Medium controllers was immediate, but not openly. Reminiscent of the practices by the party they were affiliated with, the process to remove my writing and ranting about the failed policies of that party started with constant messages of technical problems that prevented the posting of any new articles. On top of the running around in circles over the monetization of the content I provided due to some nonsensical reasons that had serious consequences - I was unable to generate income on Medium. Only the moral support of my readership lead me to continue for as long as it was possible. But by 2018, it was all but over.
Steemit became my new home - although the technicalities about posting on the blockchain were not easily comprehensible. The will to continue writing was stronger than any obstacles on the way. Attempting to simply continue where I had left on Medium turned out to be not as easy as I had wanted it to be. Structure and readership differed significantly. The primary content was in relationship to crypto currency and blockchain. It eludes me to the present day how it all goes together. When I realized that I was not able to create content that would get the same attention as previously, things started to become frustrating. The insecurity about trying to find a new audience had me firm in grip. You could say that I lost my Mojo. As You can see on the screen capture of the stats to one of my final articles, having had close to 20,000 views for just one article - dropping to next to nothing on Steemit was painful, to say the least. Realizing that I might not be able to get anywhere writing there, one of my fellow Steemit members explained to me in detail where the problems with Steemit would be based. A number of renegade Steemit folks left for those reasons and created “Hive” - based on the desire to create a more fair and practicable home for content creators. There was and is of course also a bias towards the crypto world that I am unable to fully comprehend, but it was different to Steemit in so far, as the inner machinations were not as opaque. Then, while my life changed completely and not into some party time like existence, difficulties arose with Hive as well. Technical issues that I was unable to remedy. It was mostly due to the fact that my desktop computer had reached antiquity and could no longer be updated to the latest security protocols. It has been like that for over two years now. There are workarounds that I peruse, but it is not easy. Rather arduous. The combination of technical issues and my inability to synchronize with what people want to read on Hive created a similar rift than the one experienced on Steemit. I lost my stamina and energy to continue at a time that was overshadowed by existential hardship.
Then, I became aware of “Substack”, because I had started to follow some authors on this platform that promised to never censor its content providers. It also allowed for monetization, that I was ultimately able to arrange for. The “plandemic” and the implemented policies by governments affecting our lives made easy solutions impossible. Like so many others, I was walking on a tight rope, trying to stay afloat without any support. In the end I was successful in establishing the required prerequisites in order to receive payments for subscriptions. This is where I am at now.
Out of my present state of being, I started to wonder what was happening with my Hive publication. Then, I found myself rolling back time looking at everything I had created over the last ten years. Reading old articles on Medium, Steemit and Hive. There were others too, but those were negligible. The majority of the content I had created over the last six years was on Medium, Steemit and Hive. While reading these articles I discovered that I had written not only about important events surrounding me during these years - but also about myself, my life and personal experiences. And it was shocking to see, that not only were the events surrounding me and everybody else pretty much the same - over and over again - but my personal experiences were also repeating themselves - over and over again. To realize that what happened “outside” was taking place in my personal life. Like a video clip in an endless loop. It struck me that my life was following the same patterns life did in general. Humanity. The world. It was repeating itself. Always the same experiences, always the same events. Always the same people doing always the same stuff. That is not only spooky, but very reminiscent of a “Truman Show” like existence - inside and outside. Friends going through the same hardship, suffering and pain in an endless repetition. What am I to make of that? What are people that experience the same “phenomenon” to make of it, when they find it out? That you are cycling through life and with a little luck those cycles are joyful, entertaining and pleasant, however those who are not so lucky are facing the same issues over and over again, too. Unpleasant, painful and not the least entertaining? Bill Hicks once had a routine called “It’s just a Ride!” Going about it in a humorous way, telling people that our whole life is just a “ride”. The analogy could not be more fitting. There is little doubt that you will have been on a ride yourself at one point. Be it a Roller Coaster, or a Merry-Go-Round. Anything that is endless. Provided you got a ticket for infinitely riding, you will know that the tracks are endless - only the ticket determines when you enter the ride and when you leave it. You can stay in your train car in a never ending cycle of going through the same hoops and loops. After some time You will know the track by heart. You will know when the course goes slowly up and when it will go down steeply at high speed. Left and ride. Now You will also notice the ever changing riders that enter the ride and leaving it again. Maybe there are even some that also have and endless ticket. You make eye contact with them. They are also always there. Yes, there is even a slight chance that You have experienced that in reality. At least I did. Having grown up just a little South of Munich, a visit to the “Oktober Fest” (World largest Beer an’ Rides Fair) was a given every Year until they blew it up. First with my parents and later with friends. You could buy a ticket to ride ten times. Which I did, of course. Not only because of the discount.
So, it was starkly reminiscent of this endless loop, when I was reading what I had written over the last ten years. What started as a question along the lines of “WtF?” turned into a deeper elaboration about why and how that had happened. Factoring in, that those I love would also experience the same loops, or close to the same loops. Especially when it comes to relationships, to which I also count “jobs”. Always ending up in similar, if not the same situations. Then it dawned upon me that there must be a reason for that. What could that reason be? Einstein said that doing the same things over and over again - expecting different results can be called insanity, but is it really? Or is it a natural state of things, that You have to do the same things over and over again - until the coin drops? In any way, You could of course stick with the insanity part, and it would also be fitting. What else than insanity could it be, when humanity as a whole is stuck in the same loops? Like wars for profit? Homelessness? Poisoned water? Cancer? Destruction of the environment for profit? Manipulation of the genetic composition of life that has been evolved for millions of years? Politics? Racism? Hate and division? Anybody that doesn’t have their head in the sand or worse, will see that the “doing the same things over and over again” - with, or without expectations for differing results - is part of the “Human Condition” and therefore woven into the very fabric that constitutes what goes as “Human Being”. There is of course hope, if You may call it that. The understanding that for thousands of years there have been voices of reason, love and compassion - reminding the species of the loops it is stuck in. Relating the suffering of the individual to the suffering of the species. That, if the whole suffers - the individual suffers as well. Over and over and over again. Until? Until when? This is where the analogy with the ride comes to aid. To understand the truth that “It’s Just a Ride!” No matter whether the loop is one of suffering and pain, or one of joy and elation. In that, the “doing it over and over again” reveals where our priorities are, our desires, our attachments and beliefs. And the apt analogy of the “Elephant (or Gorilla) in the kitchen, or living room” about our perception from which we draw our points of view.
Isn’t that a really nice Merry-Go-Round? Makes the struggle of each and every one of us much more understandable and leads to one important outcome:
You will leave the ride when You had enough of it. There are only that many loops You can experience before they get boring. When You had it all to a degree where you are saturated. Filled up, beaten down and disappointed, uplifted and excited. Sure, who wouldn’t mind to be stuck in a wealthy life style? Eating whatever You like to eat? Eating how much You like to eat of it? Whenever You like it? Doing whatever You want to do, however often and whenever? Can You sense to where that would ultimately lead? Just imagine and it will become clear that there is boredom on its way. Dissatisfaction with the finest life has to offer. And then, what? Imagine to be driven to climb every tall mountain on Earth. What happens when You have conquered them all? Then You would go about climbing each one of them in a fashion You haven’t done before, correct? You would attempt the impossible North flank, South flank, East flank, or West flank. And then? Doing it all over again without oxygen bottle? Naked? Blindfolded? That is practically what we all do metaphorically. One way, or another. To be able to see that in all its glory was the result of engaging in this retrospective. Not coming as a result of focused attention to it. Not having been due to a plan, desire, or wish. None of that. All that happened was to be in a space where nothing made any sense any longer. Not questioning why, but questioning “what?”. What should I do next in my situation? It was at this moment that my attention was drawn to the folder in my computer that is called “Medium Export”, because I was doing some deleterious maintenance of all my hard drives. That alone tells me now that there are forces at work - always - that either keep us in one or another endless loop for the sake of getting saturated enough to change our ways, or shorten the process by inviting us to take a look at ourselves and understanding how it all fits together.
Forgiveness is needed in order to go about this. Forgiving ourselves that we have acted this way, or that way to be able to remain looped. When we forgive ourselves, the loops become indeed a blessing in disguise. Only then we see, that this is how it really works. And only then, we can sense this tremendous joy that it provides. Both - having been a member of the “over and over again club”, and having ultimately arrived at the realization that this is the way the Universe unfolds. For each one of us and the whole.
Thank You for Your readership and attention.