Are you Sexist?
Do you wonder this? If this thought has occurred to you, then you probably are. Oh, I’m sorry... did I offend your fragile male ego? Are you mad? Are you defensive? Do you want to call me a bitch and to fuck off and give me about a thousand reasons why I’m being unfair? Unfair to YOU?
I hope I got your attention. I hope you’re at least a little angry with me right now, or that you’ve stopped reading, because I only want to speak to an audience who cares about this question. It’s a big, important question and I think it’s worth your attention.
What is a Sexist?
A sexist is a person who thinks and treats the opposite sex as somehow ‘less’ than their own, normally a man who thinks women are inferior to them simply because they are a woman. Understand, I’m not saying that you, Carl, can’t tell your best buddy Rick that your co-worker Carol is an idiot. Carol may very well BE an idiot. Recognizing Carol’s idiocy is not the issue here. It’s when Rick responds, “That bitch never even wears a DRESS.”
You see how Rick just made things sexist? Why does someone, anyone, think this is a reasonable response? Surely you’ve heard of the pantsuit. And why, exactly, do you think Rick went from ‘Carol is an idiot’ to having an issue with her clothes?
I bet that I know what some of you are about to say or are thinking already. What if Carl simply likes dresses? What if Carl is the Human Resource Guy and Carol is in violation of the Clothes At Work policy? Furthermore, what if Carol, in her idiocy, wears clothes that are really unfashionable and tacky??
No. Nope. Stop it, you’re justifying things and getting caught up in the minutiae of my MADE UP STORY. You are purposefully NOT trying to understand my point, so take a deep breath, big boy, calm the fuck down and LISTEN. (read)
Defining Sexism
Dictionary.com defines sexism as such, “ingrained and institutionalized prejudice against or hatred of women; misogyny.” Further, our friends at Wikipedia state, “Sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender.
Sexism can affect either gender, but it is particularly documented as affecting women and girls. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles and may include the belief that one sex or gender is intrinsically superior to another. Extreme sexism may foster sexual harassment, rape, and other forms of sexual violence.”
What are you doing wrong?
If you’re even asking yourself that question, you’re doing something right. Here’s the thing… try to behave as though that woman you are speaking with is a person. That’s right, it’s nearly that simple and an appropriate place to start.
Table Image
What I want you to understand, too, is that I was raised on this sexism. Educated by everyone from my own mother to marketing campaigns to my schools on what my role is in society; to entertain and delight you with my nice smile, my flattering words, my great tits. And I do, ohhhh, you know I do. I call it my ‘table image’ a poker term referring to the way you present yourself on the poker table. I’m the flirty, silly drunk girl. It’s not a lie, and it often hides the fact that I’m also wicked sharp.
Understanding my personal table image is not the same thing as accepting sexism, however. I have had to call out a number of assholes for being overly sexist. And I struggle with how far to let someone go with me, flirting wise. I’m not blaming anyone for treating me inappropriately. If you have treated me badly, I have told you, don’t worry.
What you should worry about is how you treat the average woman you encounter. Are you dismissive? Condescending? Do you feel the need to explain to her the sentence that she just said to you? That shit you have got to stop. If a woman is flirting with you and you say something appropriately flirty back, you’re probably good. Just don’t be the asshole that starts it in a situation that doesn’t call for it.
And yes, you really should be able to tell the difference.
That’s the end of my lesson for today. I hope you will ask me questions in the comments so we can further this discussion.
Peace, b.