I am sure you know by now that noboby should be blamed for the state you are in. There is always more you can do and achieve as long as you are still breathing.
In the world,there are and would always be two kinds of people; the rich and the poor,strong and the weak,the successful and the failures. There is nothing like the middle class,they are actually the decorated poor,which make them the poor all the same.
Now you know that you can choose today to change the situation you find yourself by making those decisions that would alter your life for good.
Decide now,not tomorrow,not next year.This is not liking a new year's solution but just taking your life in your own hands.Decide that you and you alone will be responsible for the life you lead from here.