You can’t build a house on sand. You can try but it won’t stay up. It’s the same with confidence; you need a solid base to build on.
Your base is your mind. It has to be strong before you start. Staying positive brings strength of mind.
But what happens if your mind isn’t ready?
Put simply, you’ll trip up. When you face a challenge or when you’re out of your comfort zone, that negative voice you sometimes hear trying to hold you back may well get the better of you. This is the reason why staying positive is Step 1 of the 4 Step Confidence Plan.
Quite simply, creating a positive mind-set will set you up for success on your journey to greater self-confidence.
If things are going well in your life, trying to stay positive isn’t that challenging. You probably don’t have to try too hard. It’s when the chips are down that staying positive can be tricky. You need to train your brain to recognise, react and deal with negative thoughts before they spiral out of control.
This really matters. Negativity has the power to hijack your desire to be more confident.
Positivity is a state of mind. It’s a mental attitude that helps to steer your mind towards actions that are conducive to self-belief and confidence. When you have a strong mental attitude and a positive mind-set you anticipate and look forward to fulfilment and happiness.
Your self-belief and positive attitude will anticipate and expect success, not failure.
Who do you know who you would describe as a positive thinker? There’s a good chance you would also describe this person as having self-belief and self-confidence. The two go together. The majority of confident people do think positively.
So how do they manage to do this? Confident people do a number of things when they’re trying to stay positive.
1 - Control Self-doubt
Self-doubt can stop you in your tracks. It can really hijack your confidence.
Self-doubt is often fuelled by negative thinking. You assume the worst, you doubt your ability, you avoid the challenge.
But, let’s be realistic; you’d be superhuman if you didn’t doubt yourself sometimes. Confident people doubt themselves too but they’ve learnt how to control this. Self-doubt doesn’t hold them back.
From self-doubt comes procrastination; that unseen and negative influence which leads you to put things off; sometimes things that really matter. We normally know when this has happened but by then it’s too late. The damage is done; the opportunity you should have seized has gone.
Have you ever tried to work out why you sometimes doubt yourself? Quite often it’s because someone else sows that seed of doubt. But why listen to someone who talks negatively about you unless they’ve got something constructive to say? Think about it … there’s absolutely no point because there’s nothing helpful to be gained.
2 - Be aware of your thoughts
When you think back and reflect on your memories, which ones do you think of first; the good times or the bad times? This can often be a good indicator of whether you’re a positive or negative thinker.
Come to terms with where you stand here. If you tend to think negatively, don’t let it happen; it’s destructive. When a negative thought comes into your mind, be aware of it, then try to replace it with a positive, constructive one. The negative thought probably won’t go away easily, so persevere each time it enters your mind; make sure you replace it with a positive one every time it happens. Eventually your mind will learn how to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.
Try to do this even when your life isn’t going as you would like it to or when you’re worried about something. This will be the hardest time to think positively because negative thoughts will be most prominent. Train your mind to expect only positive results. Believe that, at some point, your life will change for the better. You can speed this process up if you really want to.
Positive and negative thinking are contagious. A negative attitude can show itself in your body language. This tends to happen on a subconscious level but can still have a significant impact on others. For example, socially, people don’t tend to want to be around negative thinkers because they find them depressing; they find positive people more exciting and interesting. So, negative thinking can have an impact on your friendships and ultimately your social life too.
Your work life can also be dramatically affected; negative people aren’t seen as people with potential and therefore are less likely to be promoted. Just think about it… how many successful business people do you know who think negatively? The answer must surely be none.
3 - Stop negative language
Of course, if you think more positively, the likelihood is that your message will be more positive when you speak it; that should come naturally. Watch out though; you could have a habit of saying things that aren’t helping you.
You might not think it but what you say does have an impact on how positive (or negative) you actually feel. Some people really struggle to come to terms with this. Confident people speak positive language. This helps them to stay positive in their mental attitude.
Saying sorry when an apology isn’t appropriate sends negative signals to your mind. It also communicates a submissive message to the other person. It isn’t a positive and confident action and therefore isn’t conducive to developing self-belief and self-confidence. If taken to an extreme it can also lead to feelings of insecurity and inferiority.
4 - Keep your worries in proportion
We all worry on occasions – it’s only natural. However, some people are able to control their worries and not let them interfere with their lives to any great extent. It’s true that some people are more ‘easygoing’ than others but even they worry sometimes.
Controlling the effect that worrying has on your mental attitude is a vital component of maintaining a positive mind-set. The simple way to do this is to have the self-discipline to keep your worries in proportion.
Natural worriers always have to have something to worry about. If there’s nothing major to worry about in their life at the time, they’ll worry about something small.
People who lean towards negative thinking tend to forget the good things they do or that happen to them. You should remind yourself of these regularly, otherwise they’ll get lost in a cloud of negativity.