It's been quite a while since my last post on Steemit. I still love this platform and love seeing it grow and change... but life is consuming all of my time. So much so, that it's beginning to wear on me.
I've reached that old, familiar feeling of hating the idea of writing because I don't want to put the effort into putting my inner-most feelings on paper because I don't think I want to see them, let alone wanting others to see them.
I feel weak. I feel like I can't accomplish what I want to accomplish because I don't have the time, competence, or the willpower to even complete what I start.
I'm working on some exciting things. You can see the beginnings of it over here at Emerio Financial Coin. I'm legitimiately excited about what we're working on there and believe wholeheartedly it is a worthy endeavor with tremendous opportunity for success.
But I feel trapped in a cage of my own design.
I'm a stay-at-home dad. I love that role for the most part. It's extremely rewarding at times and the flexibility allows my wife a lot of options on how to manage our day-to-day issues that arise like taking kids to the doctor or simply getting groceries.
But it's not what I'm good at. It's definitely not what I'm best at.
My brain was wired to either build or destroy. That's what I'm good at. That's what I enjoy.
I'm barely competent at being a stay-at-home dad but I feel worthless when I can't find a job beyond packing boxes at an entry level job.
I've done enough job fairs to know I'd rather self-injure than go to one of those again.
I don't feel like I can escape this. I seek risk because I enjoy the opportunity of reward. My wife hates risk and values security above all else.
She earned a PhD while I was in the military so her income pays the bills. My words carry little weight.
