Independence Day: What happened to my patriatism?

I'm not quite sure what happened to my patriotism.

• Where did it go?
• What caused me to go from pride to mild shame?
• Is there something wrong with me?

I remember, quite fondly, going to Darien Lake Amusement Park as a child. One of my favorite things about going was knowing that at the end we would watch the laser light show at the end of the day. Year after year they would always have a new show, however they would always have Lee Greenwood's I'm Proud to be an American incorporated into the show. It would always give me goosebumps and fill me with the feeling, at the time I didn't know what it was, of pride.

In school we were taught from a young age that America was "the land of the free", "home of the brave" and "the greatest place in the world to live". They reiterated this by showing us how bad communism is and how few freedoms we would have living under a Dictatorship. At the time I was convinced, I lived in the best country of them all. I knew that America was founded on a very good premise, and I was on board. I was a gleaming example of patriotism.

This feeling of pride continued through my teenage years. One time I remember seeing patriotism at its finest was during 9th grade. It was on September 11th, 2001 and as we all know, the day of the most heinous attack in United States history. I remember being in my classroom and having an announcement come over the loud speaker.

"All students need to report to the gymnasium, immediately."

At first we had no idea what was going on. There were mixed feelings of fear, excitement and confusion. When we all get to the gymnasium, no one was saying anything. Over 1000 people and complete silence, except for the small television that had been rolled into the middle of the basketball court. Everyone was watching intently, as the live broadcast showed the Trade Towers after the first plane had hit. Then came the second plane and everyone gasped. People were crying and completely awestruck. I had no idea what was going on, I just know that I felt as though I had personally been attacked. Then my brother and I were called to the office, my father was here to bring us home. Upon getting into my house, after a very quiet ride home, I saw my mother sitting on the couch. She was completely falling to pieces, uncontrollably crying. This is when I realized exactly what true patriotism is. Its not just being proud of your country, its being a part of your country. When your country takes a blow you feel it.

Somewhere from then till now something has changed. I don't know the reason why, but I have became less patriotic. I felt like at that point in 2001 I didn't have room inside of me for any more pride, I was full. I'm not sure if its being outside of the protective cloak of childhood. Maybe following the news and seeing all the lies and unconstitutional policies that we allow to be put into law. Repetitive lies being told to us from our leaders? Maybe patriotism is easier to accept as a child without really knowing why.

I want to be patriotic, and I'm sure I still am a little bit, but its getting harder and harder every year. Maybe America today is not the once great country it was, founded on the principles of basic human rights. I'm certain that if I were to go to another country, admitting to being an American would carry a mild emotion of shame. I would almost consider lying about it to protect myself from judgement. Again, I want to be patriotic, like I was, but this country is continually making it harder and harder.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Happy 4th of July everyone!!