-Picture of me as a cover page
So as you can tell by the title, I've experienced a few things most shouldn't have to. Yes, they were self inflicted and can't blame anyone for my choices, but still, no one should have to deal with them. I've made it 30 years now and have nothing to show for it. I just recently decided to change my life around, and I hope someone will read this and take it to heart.
It started with smoking pot. First time I smoked I was 11 years old. By age 15, I had become a habitual smoker. That continued on for the next 15 Years. I will never consider marijuana a drug, but it was the other stuff i started using that caused the addict to be born. I tried anything and everything, never missing the opportunity for a buzz. I hope to influence others to avoid the route i took, and here are a few reasons why.
-Image from https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/marijuana
I want to start with money. There is no way you can have a habit and have anything even remotely nice. Sure, you may get that nice something, but I can be an example as to how quickly it can be gone. At one point I owned 7 vehicles. Granted they weren't show room beauties, but they drove and did what they were supposed to. Now I don't own a car, I have to walk everywhere I go, and trying my best to remedy that situation.
That leads me right into having a job. You can't have an addiction and have a good paying job. You may convince yourself that they won't catch you, but I promise, the addiction will take precedent and win in the end. It will become the reason to fuction. I lost a decent job because I thought I needed the drugs to make it through the day. When you need drugs before you can get up to go to work, it's quite disheartening.
You will never have a healthy relationship. If you have a habit and find a significant other, your options are very limited. You could choose to lie to them. You may get away with that for awhile, but eventually the missing money or the attitude or something will give it away to the point you will get caught. That only leads to more fighting about lying. The other option isbhe or she knows about it. In every scenario I've been in, this means your partner is partaking in the drug abuse. At that point, you have to look at it as your habit is twice what it should be. Twice the money spent to get the same effects. I guarantee this is a recipe for a fight.
-Image from https://uldissprogis.com/2014/03/04/the-truth-about-arguing/amp/
It will only be a matter of time, before you begin selling whichever drug you have chosen. After so much time, it's inevitable, you will look to find the cheapest route. Once you realize buying in bulk saves money, realize you have "friends" that do the same thing, it's a small step to start dealing. Once that starts, the paranoia alone is almost too much looking over your shoulder, watching every cop car that drives by. It will get so bad your closest friends become suspects in your eyes. Pot was an easy source of money for me. I worked, but also bought a pound a week minimum. It didn't stick to only that though. If I could make a dollar doing it, I sold it. All to get the next buzz.
When your body becomes dependant on a substance, it's a whole new level of understanding that most can't comprehend. I've watched people wake up throwing up being so sick they could barely walk. Worst part was it had nothing to do with not having anything. They had it, but being asleep for six hours put their bodies into withdrawals, so before they could make it to where they had it stashed, they were sick. How is that a life anyone would want to live?
-Image from https://www.everyonedoesit.com/products/liquid-ice-water-bong
One of the hardest things for me when I decided to quit, was dealing with emotions. See, I had spent the last 10 years numb. I used drug abuse as a coping mechanism, so I didn't have to feel. I had a really bad childhood to young adult, which I'll share eventually, and instead being a man and dealing with life's trials, I got high and didn't deal with anything. When I decided to finally do the right thing, emotions were beyond me. They were so foriegn, years later I still struggle distinguishing what I'm feeling. The worst part of it all are the extremes and lack of control of them. It didn't matter which, happy, sad, painful, ecstatic, they all became overwhelming. I am easily put into tears, and all it takes is a drastic swing of emotion. I won't even touch on the depression. It's a story on its own.
This Is something I feel strongly about. Ever since I decided to straighten my life up, I have tried helping others that are in the same position. Rehabs are an option, but they also are a punch to the pride. Knowing you weren't able to do it alone hurts the already waivering confidence. It becomes a downward spiral with little hope of coming out of it. I know most of this is common knowledge and been said many times over, but I hope hearing it from someone who has lived it will effect just one person. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow or even this decade. As long as one person takes from this I'll be happy.
Thank you for reading
-Bran
-Image taken Right Now with Smartphone
