Today my love is still asleep and I on the other hand cannot even close my eyes. I have not been here for a while as the energy I harness comes and goes so fast. I have good days and bad days. I wanted to write to all of you, my friends here on Steemit. I wanted to say and vent if it is ok. I am sick and tired of how the Goverment treats those who are in a similiar state that I am. I am happy to say that finally Canada has adapted a system of assisted suicide for those in terminal stage of certain illnesses. One of my Loves
Do I do what I feel is best for me?
That is a good question don't you think.
I think it is a great question but I keep coming up with confusing answers that still leave me wondering. I know that if I chose to do the easy way out that I am no longer a burden on anyone an that Lynn would be financially secure. I also know that our love is so strong that neither one of us want it to end. I know it will eventually have too and that I am not afraid to live with the pain as long as I can see her and feel her each day. The smile I see each morning makes me warm and content but inside I feel so useless and sorry for her. I know our love is so real for what she has had to do to keep me comfortable and safe. I know that inside the heart she beats true love for me.
I feel that most people would not want to know when they would take their last breath but I would rather know when will I go. The date and time. These days I wake up so disorientated and groggy that I feel like what the hell am I doing. The cost of staying alive has become a burden for us. Why?
I have been unable to work in so long that really why should I be here to just be here. You know what I mean. Why is it that the cost of breathing air is such a burden to those around us. I have to say that Lynns boys, my step sons keep me strong at times. They both say that I taught them so much in life and they are grateful for all I have done for them. All I did was love them and teach them what I knew. You see Lynn is the smart one but in this world it is me that has the street smarts lol. She says that alot to me. I taught them what I know about that and much more. I was a business major in university and feel that I was lucky enough to teach them more than life. I hope I was able to show them how to treat a girl and to love. To show that it is ok to show your true feelings and follow your heart at times. I remember that I would get a whooping from my Dad if I ever forgot to respect women, girls, ladies no matter the age. I was taught to hold the door for them and show respect. My first outing with the boys after meeting Lynn was a great day. I learned about them and vice versa but when we were leaving they piled in the car and I said WTF. I then told them about my Dad and had them get out of my car and hold the door for their Mom. I explained the importance of it and that later in life they would feel better about themselves by the actions they showed in the past. I am sorry for this post as I am so unsure of things and I am rambling like a idiot I think. I am also a believer that I cant delete this as its my thoughts and feelings. SO CONFUSED LOL.
Anyway my friends I am so thankful for meeting you all here. I would never chage any of it except I wish i could pull up in each and every one of your cities and shake your hands and say Thank you. I feel it was a privledge to meet each and every one of you even if not in person. I feel I know alot about you all and I know my girl will have friends here for a long time. Thank you for being here for us both and Thank you for listening to our story. I am content to know that because of you all my love Lynn will be looked after. You see we are a 24/7 couple and when I go she will be left with a void and I know she will be ok because you are all here to listen and talk with.
Please read until the end
From my soul I say these words
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH AGAIN. YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART............
picture taken when boys were younger
Your smile and our first adventure
words I really believe in my Babyloooo
ever since we met I have known we are unique
The way we talk and laugh with each other is different than anyone else
That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you
I think most people search their whole lives to find what we have already found
TRUDAT LOL..........